Let's Talk About You

Driving Under The Influence?

2010-03-18T07:47:00.001-07:00

On the road of life there are passengers and there are drivers. Passengers ride out their lives at the whim and speed of their drivers. Drivers are the decision makers, they decide the what, the when, the where, the why and the how to blaze a life trail.

You are a passenger whenever you sacrifice your better judgment to that of another on life altering matters, for instance:

To accommodate the prevailing conventional wisdom, you decide to find a life companion of a different sex, despite knowing at your core that you are attracted to people of your same sex.
To satisfy your parents you decide to go to any other school, different from that which you truly wanted.
Not to anger your partner, you take and remain at a job that makes you miserable.
On a more routine level, you defer to your partner the choice of your clothes, your hobbies, your food, etc.

You get the picture, you allow others to make the decisions that are yours to make.

Proactive decision makers are the drivers on the road of life; everything, from the most insignificant to the more important issues are decided through a willful weighing of the pros and cons of the alternatives before them. Drivers tend not to defer the important decisions to others in their lives: They decide where they want to live and work, if and when to be coupled and with whom, if and when to have children, etc.

Yet, there is a hybrid category on the road of life few care to acknowledge, the backseat drivers: people who, despite being in the passenger seat, press on the imaginary breaks at the perception of a potential crash; they can’t help but blurt out their suggested route and they get easily annoyed when the driver dismisses their suggestion. Backseat drivers are oblivious to the fact they are not the ones at the wheel, they assume command, turning divers into chauffeurs who are there to take them where they want to go.

While this may work very well in real cars driving on real roads, driving under the influence of a backseat driver on the road of life makes you a passenger in your own life. You may be at the wheel, but you’ve allowed your backseat driver or drivers to take command of your life. Should you continue down that road, it should be of no surprise to you to wake up one morning to the realization that your life went by you before you had a chance to live it.

We only have one shot at this experience we call life. It is incumbent upon us to give it a shot, pull the trigger, seize charge, take a chance, and have at it. The only guaranteed result is the knowledge that we did it our way, the way it’s supposed to be done, not in the shadows of the whims of another.

When it is all said and done, would you have driven under the influence, or would you have done it out of free will. The choice is yours, now, let’s talk about you!

Dear Coach

2010-03-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

Question: I’ve been going with this guy for quite some time now. The sex is out of this world and we have a lot of fun when we are together. I want someone like him to settle down with and to be the father of my children. He is not interested in settling down, though –at least, not with me. What can I do? Bewildered.

Answer: Dear Bewildered. It’s great that at least you are getting the sexual satisfaction you want and deserve in your life. It is also wonderful that you have a friend to share a lot of fun moments with when you are together. That said, please take a moment and try wearing your friend’s shoes for size: What would you do if your friend wanted more from you than you are willing or able to offer/give? How would that make you feel? How would that affect the relationship between you and your friend who wants more than you have for him? Will you even want to continue having him as a friend knowing he wants more than you can or want to give?

Often, we get caught up in the folly of our own ambitions, our own feelings, our own wants, neglecting to pause and see things from the perspective of the other person in the equation. The result is a myopic and self-serving approach, which can only spoil a good thing.

What am I saying?

Bewildered dear, it sounds like you have a good thing going with this friend of yours; as good as it is for you both however, it is not good enough for you, thus, you have a decision to make. Here are your choices.

Keep the status Quo: Enjoy your friend and what he has to offer for all that it is worth. This will continue to supply you with the sexual satisfaction you have come to enjoy and expect from the encounters between the two of you. In addition, you will continue to create moments of joy/fun whenever you get together with this friend.

Move on: One good thing you both have going is the candor you share. You’ve obviously conveyed your wants to him and he has replied letting you know that what you both share is as good as it gets, and enough for him.

The choice, ultimately, is yours to make. Keep in mind that whatever your decision, you need to respect his position as he is called upon to respect yours.

Regarding your want to have children. The responsible, adult thing to do is to seek someone else who can tap into your sexual fountain of joy and with whom, as with your friend, you enjoy spending your time. Just let it be someone who, in turn, wants to be the father of your babies and wants to have you as a life partner.

Children are precious gifts to us. With that gift comes great responsibilities, which begin even before the moment of conception and continue on through the rest of their lives. Treat them as the treasures they are. You begin by laying a solid foundation for them to be raised. You as their parent are to create an atmosphere devoid of the unnecessary tensions, brought on because mom and dad made the decision of getting and staying together against one or both of their wills. Now, let's talk about you!

In Perspective: Spiritual But Not Religious

2010-03-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

More and more people these days use this phrase in an attempt to contextualize and convey their own understanding of and relationship with the divine.

From the unset, there are a number of “must” questions, plaguing inquiring minds when hearing this phrase.

Define religion. What is it?

There are countless definitions of religion that can be found with the click of your mouse. For the purposes of this blog we’ll define religion as a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs. (Dictionary.com)

Define spiritual. What is it?

Predominantly, the web and other information outlets are littered with examples of a negative connotation of spirituality, in that the trend is to view it as opposed to religion, a fashion of the reckless young, eager to do away with the boundaries imposed by religious observances. For the purposes of this essay however, we will simply define spiritual as that which pertains to the spirit or soul, as distinguished from the physical nature, relating to the mind or intellect.

Can one be religious without being spiritual and vice-versa?

Yes, understanding that both religiosity and spirituality are both intellectual exercises, it follows logic that one can chose between the two, without the one necessarily being tied to the other.

Does the distinction between the two really matter and why?

The distinction is important only in its attempt to clarify the realm of each subject matter. Religion addresses a set of beliefs, generally shared by a number of individuals, involving a series of dogmas and rituals, which inform their understanding of their relationship to place, time and the universe. Spirituality focuses on understanding the ethereal nature of humans, and that of all other “living” forms of energy, their relationship to each other and the universe.

Neither Religion nor spirituality should rank above the other in my understanding. Simply put, they are both intellectual tools at our disposal to inform and cater to our need to understand that which we cannot explain through other means. Understanding the intellectual nature –a human activity generated by our will to exercise it- of both these concepts, explains why you can be religious and not spiritual, spiritual and not religious, and/or religious and spiritual at the same time, which ever your inclination.

Regardless of your proclivity, your persuasion, it is important to respect that of the others around you as they too have traveled their own personal path to arrive at their own understanding. Thus, respect is paramount when addressing matters of religion or spirituality, for, just as you, others deserve their own “breathing space” to be. In other words, as in pretty much everything in life, your decisions about religion, spirituality and the question of God are yours to make; the rest of us are called to respect such deeply personal decisions. Now, let’s talk about you!

See Something? Say Something!

2010-03-13T05:58:00.000-08:00

The other night I went to see “Alice In Wonderland” at a movie complex close to home. I was exited to see yet another of Johnny Depp’s performances, the guy is my favorite actor. In a sign of the times, I noticed that at this particular movie theater they no longer had a box office window; instead, the concessions stands attendants are now selling the movie tickets as they are dispensing your favorite popcorn and soda combos to you.

I’m all for cost cutting wherever possible. I draw the line at sacrificing the quality of the product or the service offered when cutting costs.

I got the ticket and headed to the designated screen room, excited to see what Mr. Depp was up to this time around.

I was increasingly disappointed, and disgusted, as I entered the room, where isle after filthy isle was filled with leftover garbage; apparently the place had not been cleaned all day. Determined not to be deterred, I found my way to the back of the room, where I sat and did my best to ignore the pigsty I was sitting in watching the movie. I can’t deny the negative impact the place had on my experience, however.

Once it was over, I suppressed my urged to say something about the mess to the attendants at the concessions stand. Instead, I left the place and headed home, disappointment written all over my body language.

The following night I reluctantly decided to go back to the same movie complex close to home. This time to watch another movie I had in mind, “Shutter Island” with Leonardo DiCaprio, another one of my favorite actors along with Brad Pitt.

This time, however, I mentioned the pigsty experience of the night before with the Johnny Depp movie to the attendants at the concessions stand. I was careful not to place blame, while addressing the problem. The young lady at the stand had a go at an apology, she tried to explain away how the place got to be that filthy. I reiterated to her that I was not looking to place blame on her or any other of her co-workers, because this was a management issue. I told her that regardless of the situation, having people sit in a pigsty to watch a movie is unacceptable.

She offered to have me speak with the manager if I wanted to. She phoned him while I was there and asked him to come out and speak with me. After a back and forth between them, he reluctantly agreed. The minutes were ticking away and the time for “Shutter Island” was fast approaching as I waited... and waited....and waited in front of the concessions stand with an increasingly fidgeting young lady, nervous at the absence of her manager, even after the couple of follow up calls she made to him.

At last, a young man entered the scene emerging from the back rooms. I asked his name, which turned out not to be that of the manager, so I asked him for his manager? He told me that the manager was not in. I told him that I did not appreciate being lied to, and to please go back and tell his manager that I would speak with him when the issue became important to him, which apparently at the time it wasn’t. I told him I had a movie to see, thanked him for his time, turned and headed to my movie.

On my way out of “Shutter Island”, which I enjoyed in a clean room, the same young man approached me and asked me to wait; he said the manager wanted to hear what I had to say.

They called the manager. Another young pleasant man appeared, he apologized for not talking with me earlier. He listened to my complaint, and promised to correct the situation. Additionally, he offered to give me free passes.

I thanked him and turned down his free passes. I told him that my interest is only to have a clean room to enjoy the movie.

He again reassured me he would get on it.

I have not yet been back to check, nor is it my intent to do so. I take comfort in the notion that this incident will serve as a reminder to them of the importance of delivering on promise.

My movie going experience is far from life altering, yet, it’s a good example of how we often choose be silent and quiet about unacceptable situations, only perpetuating the damage they bring, when the best approach is obviously to address the situation we seek to improve. So, if you see something, do something, say something, manifest your power, the outcome might pleasantly surprise you. Now, let’s talk about you!

You Are So Emotional!

2010-03-11T07:27:00.000-08:00

Generally, when labeled “emotional” it is done in a reproving way; one who habitually gives into the tide of your unbridled emotions; one who is “Inspired or governed by emotion rather than reason or will-power”. It is not uncommon to picture an emotional you as someone trapped by your reactionary responses -generally negative, and always out of your control- to the things, people and places around you. For instance…

You can’t help but feel overwhelmingly sad and lonely when rejected by a loved one. You then give into the sluggishness that follows, you neglect the important things and people in your life and you become a recluse, enveloped in your own emotional cocoon, distant from the world around you.

You are quick to anger; almost anything and anyone will send you into a rage, paralyzing your reason and unleashing a torrent of emotions typically dominated by verbal and physical violence.

Ill informed by your emotions, you turn your back on your aspirations, your friends and your family in blind pursuit of a future with another.

Like these, there are plenty of examples why “emotional” people are not the kind you want to be labeled as. There is too much of nothing good, nothing smart, nothing worthy associated with being emotional, this is why no one wants to be labeled emotional these days. To be called such is to be tabbed a lesser person, incapable of rising to achieve normalcy, incapable of reasoning. An emotional you, now a days is viewed as someone whose brain has gone on a back seat vacation, someone dominated by brainless basic instincts.

Could it be, however, that as humans we are all emotional beings? If such is the case, are we the lesser for that? Could it be that even our ability to reason is an emotional response to stimuli?

Yes, yes, there are plenty of reasons why being “emotional” may not be such a good thing, and yet, there are other compelling examples of emotional responses that are deemed good for us: Our ability to give and receive what we know as Love, for instance, that driving force, which motivates us to accomplish the seemingly unattainable. The feelings that drive us to reach out in aid of another who is in peril. And, how about our need to protect our loved ones against any and all danger that may come their way?

These are all emotional/rational responses informed by our environmental stimuli.

So what is it that I am getting at?

If nothing else, I want you to understand the futility and, ultimately, the damage caused by our inclinations to suppress and deny our emotions.

To be “emotional” is to be alive. Emotions are like thoughts, endlessly streaming in and out of our consciousness. Emotions are bound to dominate your existence until you are no longer.

Rather than denying or suppressing them, rather than labeling ourselves and others as lesser for expressing them, rather than creating a dividing line between our emotions and our ability to reason, we should tap into our so called Emotional Intelligence to sort through the challenges we face.

So what is Emotional Intelligence?

There are many possible definitions of Emotional Intelligence, which can be found on the Internet. For our present purposes we’ll simply say that Emotional intelligence is our ability to use our emotions to enhance our thought process. In other words, rather than being dominated by, or prisoners to our emotions, we exercise our Emotional Intelligence by using –not denying- our emotions to enhance our decision-making.

So the next time you are at a crossroads -and you will be for sure- grappling with one of those life-altering decisions, be emotional, don’t be crippled by them, or by attempting to denying them; tap into your Emotional Intelligence to process them and find the answers you need. Now, let’s talk about you!

Move or Die!

2010-03-10T09:43:00.001-08:00

In a study published in The American Heart Association journal Circulation, researcher Dr. David Dunstan; head of physical activity at the Baker IDI Heart and Diabetes Institute in Melbourne, Australia discovered that you are likely to die an early death by an increase of 18 % from cardiovascular disease and of 11% from all other diseases for every hour you spend sitting around, be it watching TV or doing any other physically passive activity during your day. And the bad news just keep piling on: as it turns out, people who spend four or more sedentary hours during their day, be it watching TV, reading or lounging around, raise the volume on calling the Grim Reaper by 46% through all other disease channels and by a whopping 80% through the popular cardiovascular disease way.

Now, if you are the kind who gets your daily dose of exercise out of the way in one daily hourly session, only to revert back to your default couch hopping sedentary habits during the rest of your day, you might want to reconsider that practice. You are not much the better off for that: if you workout intensely for only one hour a day, and sit around for the rest, you are not doing enough to stab off the Grim Reaper, he has a whopping 15 to 16 waking hours on you, to ensure that your couch hoping hastens his coming.

What can you do?

First: Get used to the fact that no way, no how, are you leaving here alive. Let’s face it, we are all going to die at some point, it’s natural; death is a part of life.

Second: Once you are at peace with the reality that your forever is limited to your lifetime; you will die at some point, focus on living your life to the fullest.

Third: Make it a habit to get up and move around during your day, avoid sitting or lying around for long periods of time –more than an hour at a time- during your waking hours. Get up and walk around, move around.

Lastly: In addition to your newfound mobility, incorporate healthy food choices into your eating habits.

As they prolong your life and delay the inevitable date you have with the Grim Reaper, these practices will also enhance your quality of life. New mobility will help put a stop to the buildup of cholesterol plaques in your arteries, preventing the onset of the deadly cardiovascular diseases. As you move around you will increase your blood flow through your body, breathing the life giving oxygen and more energy into your organs. As a result, you will have a better outlook and disposition towards life as a whole. Now, get up and move, then let’s talk about you!

Breakaway!

2010-03-09T06:22:00.001-08:00

Your life can be so hectic at times that living through each day gets in the way of living.

You get up in the morning and if you are lucky, you might have a chance to vacuum down some breakfast before heading out the door to face the world. Once out there, you are consumed with each task in turn, each client in turn, each issue they present to you in turn. Around midday, if you remember and have a chance, you grab a bite to eat and then rush back to your work routine, where, again, you busy yourself with the problems immediately before you.

Zapped of energy, you crawl out of the workplace and into your moving device back to whatever it is you do after work: to the TV remote back home, for most; for others, night school, kids, spouses, and family chores; the better part of your day flys by without you having a moment for yourself. The picture does not change much at nighttime as you prepare to do it all over again the next day, and then the next. Before you know it, a day turns into a week, then a month and so on.

In the process you’ve sacrificed your me-time; those special moments you spend with friends, loved ones, or to yourself, just living.

What to do?

Here are some suggestions.

Carve out some time in your week, reach out to a friend or two, and schedule a get-together for the heck of it. Once there, check/leave your daily concerns at the door. Enjoy the moment. Live!

Treat yourself: schedule a body massage; give yourself the chance to experience what it feels like to be pampered.

If you are so incline, make some time for meditation; get in touch with your senses, with the life around you.

While doing at least one of these breakaway suggestions will bring you the momentary reprieve you need, you will get the most benefit out of making it a habit; incorporate it into your routine. I suggest you try this approach for at least the next eight weeks to experience significant changes. It’s never too late to turn around and regain control of your life and circumstance. Have a go at it. Breakaway!

Now, let’s talk about you!

Me, MY FRIENDS, And I

2010-03-05T07:21:00.000-08:00

I could take this chance to go on, and on about an intellectual, politically correct and self-righteous idea of friendship. I could stand on a pedestal of moral platitudes and preach to you about what being a friend really is. Easier yet, I could cough up self-serving examples of friendships in my own life.

Aside from possibly impressing you as you read along, what good would it be to you? How will that improve your relationships? What would be your take away?

Truth be told, I don’t know of any “how to” manual with prescriptions on building a time-tested friendship. All I know for sure is that you first have to care to be a friend, to have a friend.

What am I saying?
I’m saying that regardless of the passage of time and regardless of the circumstances, a friend is someone with whom you care to let go and be yourself. In other words, care, trust, honesty and emotional integrity are at the core of being/having a friend.

Huh?
Try learning about someone you don’t care for.
Try letting go and being yourself with someone you can’t trust.
Try being honest with someone you know is not honest with you.
Try pouring your emotions out to someone you fear might turn against you.

Of course you cannot!

The true measures of friendship, thus, are not time and circumstance, but care, trust, honesty and emotional integrity.

In time friends will come and go in and out of our lives, each leaving their own little lesson-bits for us to learn. Given the circumstances, friends are sure to lie to us, they are sure to disappoint, sure to betray, sure to hurt. More over, we are just as likely to do the same to them. And, if we’ve been lucky enough to deposit valuable assets in the emotional bank account we started with our friend, we’ll find enough care, plenty of trust, sufficient truth, and adequate emotional integrity to move on and continue being friends.

These elements are why we feel as though it was just a moment ago when we hear from a friend who we haven’t seen or heard from in years. It’s because of these that we can pick up the conversation right where we left off, despite the passage of time. These are what compel us to embrace and forgive in the face of hurt and disappointment. These are the elements which allow a perfect stranger an intimate window into our lives, if only fleetingly.

Yes, my friend, I am such because you care; I am such because you trust me; I am such because you believe in me; I am such because you can be yourself with me.

So, the next time you are tempted to question if your friends are truly such, find out if you really care, and why. Find out if you really trust. Seek to know if you can truly be yourself around this or that friend you question. Your answers will give you what you seek.

Relationships, and more specifically friendships, are as fluid as we are. You are not the person you were ten, five, or even two days ago. Change and evolution are the only constants informing your identity. Embrace your own evolution to allow room for your friendships to evolve with you. Now, let’s talk about you!

When Love Is No Longer Enough

2010-03-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

If you’ve been around long enough, you’ve probably experienced the pain brake ups bring. Each time, no doubt, breaking up was not even a distant thought when you met the one; that special someone with whom you eagerly got on the road to forever. With love as your vessel, you paved away the potholes, swirled around the roadblocks, navigated through the litter, dominated the dangerous curves, the cliffs, and forged your way through the virgin forest of your future together; all the while growing stronger in your love for one another.

And then, seemingly as a surprise, the glue of love is no longer enough to hold your bond together, you begin to drift apart; your once parallel tracks are now blazing their own trails, away from the other. The when, the how, the why this happened diminished in importance as you busied yourself carving out a new vision of life without the other. The important regrets are only those, which remind you of your bond, and arrest you from your future without it. You can’t quite remember, or even want to, what it was that brought you together; all you want is to be free of the burden of this relationship.

And still, your newfound hunger for independence is fraught with guilt, dominated by worries and sleeplessness. Your agony gets more acute as you are aware of the love you still have for the other. Afraid of the pain of the separation, you resort to alternatives that only keep you lingering on, souring the sweet, postponing the inevitable, and increasing the pain. You’ve lost yourself in the process. You no longer recognize the reflecting mirror image of yourself gazing back at you. It’s time to break away.

When love is no longer enough, try holding on to your true identity. Be honest with yourself and with your partner. Caring candor will sooth the wounds and the pain of the separation. If possible, try having a conversation to come up with, and implement, an exit plan. If this is not possible, seek the help of an arbiter, a professional go-between, to help you sort through the pressing issues. Be considerate of your feelings and those of your partner.

When love is no longer enough, emotions are raw; your spirit is vulnerable and susceptible to wounds and permanent scars. Seize upon your dignity and your integrity to pull you through the seemingly endless darkness that remains.

If there are children involved, remember their feelings; attend to their needs. Talk with them; be sure to clear them of any and all responsibility in the matter, as they no doubt will default to blaming themselves for the split when love is no longer enough.

When love is no longer enough to glue, use it to forge a new relationship, a budding friendship. Bear in mind that good people are not always meant to be together in a relationship. You are still good, just not for the other in that way. Find the courage within you to embrace your new reality and begin to build the healing process for yourself and your loved ones.

As experience shows over and again, this too shall pass, time will ameliorate the situation, the pain will subside and you will be left to live the new reality you create when love is no longer enough. Let’s talk about you!

Focus

2010-03-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

Ours is a world dominated by modern societies wherein we are constantly bombarded with a plethora of choices for whatever whim crosses our consciousness. In a typical morning, for instance, we are likely to awaken to informational choices coming from: TV, radio, papers, magazines, and the Internet, to name a few. Add to these the options of cable vs. network, local vs. national, national vs. global, etc.

Other choices involve more mundane aspects of our lives, such of coffee vs. tea, cereal vs. toast, eggs vs. bacon. Other more complicated choices concern our life companion, our profession, our place of work, and our neighborhood.

These choices become important to us because they inform our understanding of who we are, and their consequences will contribute to, or detract from, our peace of mind.

Let’s face it, whether we like it or not, in life we have to make choices. Given the importance of the choices we make and the effects they bring upon others, and us, our challenge is to train ourselves to remain focused. The accessibility to modern communication gadgets only increases our inability to stay focused; at every moment we are bombarded with so much information “concerning our lives” it becomes almost impossible to keep up. We run around in frustration trying to stay up to date with the latest trend in this or that or the other.

What to do? You ask.

How can I focus when I’m constantly bombarded with so many distractions?

Is there anything I can do to resolve this situation?

Try starting by identifying your priorities. Make it manageable, start with three to five priority areas you want to focus your attention on this day.

Once you’ve identified your priority areas, create a plan of action.

Implement your action plan by taking specific actions, steps to address your priorities.

Lastly, at your day’s end, take stock of your accomplishments in your priority areas.

Over time this simple practice will reacquaint you with your ability to focus. This in turn, will allow you to make more informed decisions. The satisfaction you derive from making more informed decisions will give you a real sense of control and accomplishment. You will become more adept at chipping away at the excesses dominating your daily routines.

Remember, who you are today is a result of the choices you’ve made. In other words, as you stay focused on your priorities, the choices you make will enable you to live the life you want and to manifest the person you know yourself to be. Stay focused, and then let’s talk about you!

Back To Center

2010-03-02T05:50:00.000-08:00

Picture this-
Following yet another usual night’s sleep –a concatenation of intermittent cat-naps, laced with spurts of consciousness-, you get up in the morning feeling out of sorts, listless and edgy. You rock your brain trying to find out why, yet you find no answer, nothing comes to mind.
The situation gets more acute as your day progresses. You can’t understand why; all you know is that there isn’t anything you feel good about and you are easily irritated and emotionally vulnerable.

It may or may not surprise you to know that generally our emotional imbalance is rooted in seemingly unrelated sources, such as nutrition, rest and hydration. The absence or lack of any of these sources can trigger changes in our bodies that adversely affect our emotions.

If this is a familiar picture to you, here are three easy steps you can take to deal with the situation:

1. Take the time to have a healthy breakfast. If you are not allergic to them, incorporate fruits and nuts into your breakfast. Make sure to get your daily ration of fiber as well.

2. Turn your brain switch off: Create nighttime routines to signal to your brain that you are about to retire for the night. Try moving your TV and computer out of the bedroom. Aromatherapy can be a good idea. A nighttime bath/shower won’t hurt. The idea is to incorporate relaxation practices into your nighttime routine.

3. Hydration is one of the easiest and most important things you can do to maintain your emotional balance. Our bodies are primarily made of water; it’s only logical that the water depletion will lead to a myriad of physical and emotional inconveniences. By maintaining your body properly hydrated you can keep headaches and other aches and pains and the radiating negative disposition they bring, from happening.

Follow these simple practices on your way back to center then, let’s talk about you!

Earthquake

2010-03-01T09:11:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in the living room watching TV, just about the only thing we were allowed to do during Easter Season in my household. I grew up in a family dominated by strong beliefs about this season, most of which started with the word “Don’t”: don’t drink, don’t eat meat, don’t go to the beach, don’t have sex, don’t go out… You get the picture. I did not know it then, conditioned as I was, I enjoyed and look forward to the religious movies on the subject of Christ and the liberation of the Jewish people from Egypt as my only distractions.

As I later realized, earthquakes were not unusual during Easter Season in my country, pretty often we got shook up by at least one each season. Which only reinforced the validity of the "don't" policies dominating my household.

As this particular one hit, it took me a moment to realize that it was I –chair and all- moving towards the TV, and not the other way around. I jumped up and ran to the front door; grabbed on to the door frame for balance and support, as I watched the solid ground roll, as if an ocean, wave after loud undulating wave, lifting and dropping the rows of houses lining each side of the street.

There are no words to describe the terror I felt, the impotence. To know that your life, and whether you live or die, is out of your control and can happen at any moment is a sobering awakening.

After what seemed like an eternity, the elusion of solidity returned to the ground, and people in my neighborhood felt safe enough to move about reassuring their neighbors and inspecting the damage done to their houses.

In the grand scheme of things, this was a minor dust up: no one was injured, no one died; houses were barely damaged, none collapsed, and yet the imprint of the experience remains with me to this day. I still remember how everything but your neighbors well being lost importance, how people reached out to one another to give and receive reassurance, how we were there for each other without a doubt, how everyone forgot their personal grievances.

Recently, people in Haiti and Chile have gone through major earthquakes. The devastation is mind numbing. Survivors have the seemingly impossible task of having to move on with their lives.

Please take a moment to find out and do what you can to help. You might know a person or two, who knows a person or two who are related to someone from these affected areas. Reach out; help. A comforting word of acknowledgement can go a long way. Do that, then, let's talk about you!

About A Boy -Omar.

2010-02-26T06:44:00.000-08:00

On this morning he was playing with my little nephew and me, sitting in the living room of our home. Mom could be heard in the back ground, busied in the kitchen preparing breakfast. It was so early, that my sisters hadn’t risen out of bed yet. Omar must have been no more than eight or nine at the time; Enrique, my little nephew, must have been five, at the most. I was in my early teens, living through that awkward “big-boy” stage, reluctant to give up on childhood, while eager to be a grown up –or at least a teenager’s understanding of such.

Early as it was, this was not the most unusual aspect of this picture. That became painfully etched in Omar’s little face the moment mom made an entrance from the kitchen into the living room. The blood hastily drained from his face in fright, leaving a pale ghost-like impression on his countenance. Yes, Omar was terrified of my mother. Several times before, upon hearing her voice, or noticing her approach, he would run away in fright. It was all very comical to us. We never quite understood why. I suspect it was the thunderous voice my mom had at the time, but that’s just my guess.

On this morning, however, Omar somehow overcame his initial fright; he looked at me for reassurance, then remained seated playing with us in the living room. Pretty soon he was back to his happy-go-lucky child self, guffawing and quarrelling in turn with us as we played, mom being nothing but a barely perceptible, unthreatening memory to him.

He was as happy as can be when he left the house; he even allowed mom a soft hair-ruffling stroke on his head as he left. His unusual behavior was the talk of the morning in our household. We were delighted.

Later that morning, or the following –I don’t quite remember- I was on my way to the “Pulperia”; as I headed down the gravel hill to the little store I heard Omar’s familiar voice calling me. I turned around to see his little body bouncing around on the back of a bamboo hauling truck thundering up the hill. Omar used one hand to wave at me, a big smile etched on his face, as he struggled to stay bellied down on the flat, wooden, fenceless surface of the bouncing empty back of the truck.

I waved back at him, happy to see him, barely noticing, and, instantly dismissing his obvious peril.

The truck rumbled away up the hill with Omar having the time of his life, as I walked my way in the opposite direction.

I was barely out of the “Pulperia” when another kid ran up to me –terror in his eyes- yelling, “Dennis, Dennis, Omar…. Omar…”

“What about Omar”? I said.

“He is dead; he is dead”.

“Quit playing. It’s not funny. I just saw him heading up the hill on the back of a truck”

“Yes.” He replied. “I’m not playing. He fell off the truck”…

I ran up that gravel hill so fast, it was as if I was levitating. Tears gushing, I made it to the gruesome scene, where a man thought this an opportune and appropriate moment to teach the neighborhood kids a lesson. He repeatedly removed the stained white blanket covering Omar, admonishing the growing crowd of gathering kids about what can happen when jumping on the back of trucks.

In time, I’ve witness the departure of more loved ones than I care to count: Mom, grandparents, friends, girlfriends, cousins, uncles, aunts, grade-aunts, pets. Each, in turn, leaving their own signature scar on my heart and a void impossible to fill.

Like Omar, I still remember them all with a mixture of joy and sadness: the joy of the memories we created together and the sad awareness of their permanent departure.

Today, molded by the gifts of them, my spirit rejoices in their memory.

Certainly, in your own journey through life you will, if not yet have, experience the loss of loved ones. Take a moment to rejoice in their presence and co-create in the memories you will have as your only companion when they are gone. Now, let’s talk about you!

You Have A Right To Remain… Healthy

2010-02-25T08:30:00.001-08:00

The health care debate resumes today in Washington with President Obama convening a Summit with Congress leaders to hash out government health care policy details. In the meantime, though, thousands of Americans live in fear, dreading the effects of falling ill.

What will happen if I get sick?

How much will it cost?

How will I be able to afford it?

These are just some of the questions plaguing ordinary Americans as Congress plays electoral politics.

If you are one of those lucky enough not to have lost your life in this process, you’ve probably given up on the whole fallacy that is the political process.

Take action!

Have a multi-prong, multilayered approach to your personal health care:

Politically:

· Find out the names of your political representatives in Congress: a quick Internet search is a good starting point.

· Voice your healthcare concerns: Mail your letters to your representatives in Congress on a weekly or monthly basis; use the day or date of your birth as a memory cue.

· Be an educated voter: Find out their position on healthcare and other issues important to you.

· Spread the word: Talk to your friends, co-workers, family and acquaintances and encourage them to reach out to their representatives in Congress.

Physically:

· Break a sweat: get yourself on a reasonable exercise program. If you are not physically impaired or limited, make the time for working out on a regular basis.

· Monitor your weight regularly.

· Monitor your health: If you have one, have a conversation with your personal doctor, voice your concerns and work together on creating solutions.

Nutritionally:

· Create nutritionally sound eating habits by incorporating healthy choices into your diet.

· Increase your intake of vegetables, fruits and leafy greens.

· Check the labels on your groceries: make sure you get products low in artificial sweeteners, sodium, calories, trans and saturated fats.

These steps will not prevent you from life threatening events outside of your control. The purpose is to pinpoint things you can do to regain some measure of control over your life and your health.

You are the only one benefited by your good health care practices, why then, should you expect others to be as committed as you are to your own health care? Think about it. Now, let’s talk about You!

You Lie!

2010-02-24T07:13:00.000-08:00

Many of us remember that utterance cast at President Obama, as he addressed Congress, by some attention craver sitting in the crowd. While today we have become accustom to, and indeed expect, repeated evidence of our politicians interesting relationship with the truth, in that particular instance, that phrase, targeted at this particular president, was widely viewed as false and inappropriate.

The truth is, each day we awake to a myriad of lies as we go about our lives. Joining politicians in this practice are a number of characters in the public sphere: celebs, media talking heads, and big corporate figureheads, to name a few. And that doesn’t bother us as much.

Why, you ask?

Because these cases are not personal to us.

In our interpersonal relationships, however, we don’t dismiss lying so easily.

Why is this?

Take a moment to think about it:

What if you awake one day to find that your parents are not really your parents?

What if you stumble up on that secret affair your spouse, or loved one, has kept from you?

What if you are the one keeping that secret affair?

Our interpersonal relationships are fraught with the purest of emotions. Assuming they are built on trust, we quickly dispel our guard and we deposit our vulnerabilities into the hands of that other. Now, when reality checks in it is often different than expected, bringing disappointment along, and the results can be catastrophically devastating.

Our innate ability, and want, to trust is at the core foundation of our interpersonal relationships; to lie eats away at that foundation and can spell doom to that relationship.

Now, what is a lie, and, why do we lie?

A lie is an intentionally false representation of things, as we know them. Fueled by fear, we lie to avoid the truth and it’s consequences.

At some point, or another, we’ve all given into our shortcomings, doing things we are not so proud of. Owing up to that, however, can be terrifying; we fear loosing life as we know it; loosing the affection of our love-ones, and so, we lie, to find out later that the actual lie was more reprehensible than the action which motivated it in the first place.

Why is this?

Lying directly targets the person we are lying to. Giving into our shortcomings primarily affect us and the other willing partakers.

Think about it. Let’s say, for instance, you are having a secret affair with a third someone. Only you and this other are affected by the awareness of this affair. If you then lie about it to your other half, well…enough said.

What’s your take away?

Truth = Trust

Lie = Fear

You decide which of these you want to prevail in your relationship with those you care about. Now, let’s talk about you!

Gossiping 101

2010-02-23T08:34:00.000-08:00

I was barely in my twenties then, rooming with other life dreamers, convinced we’d make a significant impact on life as it were; our ticket to success, College. Life was fun, challenging and exhilarating then. Rooming with like-minded people, however, did little to eliminate the corrosiveness of gossiping among us.

Guilty as charged, I engaged in gossiping as much as the next guy and girl. Then something happened. I found out about some juicy gossip one of my roommates was spreading about me.

Whether it was based on truths or not, is not the point; the point is the devastating effect it had on me: I felt betrayed, angry, hurt. Then, without my wanting, my thoughts shifted to my gossiping roommate and to the equally damaging gossips I’d spread about him. I realized, then, how hurtful this practice can be, and began my own personal journey of freeing myself from this habit.

Later on, as I fully joined the workforce, I witnessed the damage of idle gossiping in the workplace. Eventhough I no longer work in an office setting, I remember the damage to the bottom line gossip can bring.

The interesting thing is that nowadays when my friends have complaints about their jobs, it is seldom related to the job itself. Often the problems have to do with a coworker: someone said something about another, and then that person… you get the picture.

If You Are The Target Of The Gossip

If you find out about some office gossip about you, the news will put you out of focus, you will be, muddled, unsure of yourself, bewildered. Chances are you will spend more time preoccupied about controlling the damage than you will about your real priority, doing your job.

If the gossip is among your personal friends in your private life, you will begin to question their loyalty and their trustworthiness.

If the gossip is work related, you might fear loosing your job. If it is personal, you may be feeling violated and picked on.

If you are the target of either type of gossip in the workplace, be proactive, follow the chain of command and visit your Human Resources department. They should have advice for you and ways to handle the situation.

If the gossip is in your personal life’s sphere, do your best to identify the culprit. Have a conversation with this person; find out why they choose to gossip about you. Let them understand the damage it is doing to you, and demand they stop spreading those rumors and retract their statements. This should suffice, and should give you what you need to decide whether to continue a relationship with this person.

No matter what, it’s always in your best interest not to lash out. This will only add drama to an already delicate situation. It may be impossible for you to ignore it, in that case, be the bigger person, choose to take the higher ground.

If you are personally addressed about the gossip by a coworker, refrain from getting into deep discussions about it. Let your boss or Human Resources deal with it.

If a friend other than the gossiper brings it to your awareness, thank them, and do your best to keep your opinions about the gossiper to yourself.

If You Are The Gossiper

Own up to it, at one time or another we’ve all done it. Sometimes we just hear something so juicy that we give into the urge to pass it along, often without thinking about it. In the workplace, however, really think hard before giving into the gossiping urge; your job and the lifeline it brings might be on the line.

In Summary

Nothing good will come of gossiping, stop and think before you engage in this behavior, things you hold near and dear might be loss to you because of gossiping. Enough about gossip; now, let’s talk about you!

Let’s Talk About Forgiveness

2010-02-22T06:31:00.000-08:00

Having lived on this planet long enough, chances are you’ve been lied to, you’ve been betrayed, you’ve been rejected, you’ve been disappointed, and you’ve been hurt. Chances are you’ve lost a loved one, you’ve been misled, and you’ve lived through some traumatic events. You probably have been offended, misunderstood, and unfairly treated.

Like the bulk of us, you more likely have found it hard to forgive the culprits who’ve caused you pain, brought you anguish and left you in despair. You more likely have retreated into the bitterness, the anguish and the anger resulting from such transgressions.

In those instances, forgiveness is the last thing you can or want to think of; it is such a hollow concept, the mere though of it, insulting to your intelligence, berating to your feelings, belittling of your raw, and true emotions. After all, who in their right mind can think of forgiveness when being transgressed upon? Have some self-respect, stand-up for yourself, fight back, you say.

So, what is forgiveness, anyway?

Of what use is it?

What, if any, good can come of it?

I believe forgiveness is an act; a conscientious effort to effectively release the burden of anger, anguish and bitterness, resulting from the transgressions, perceived or real, enacted against us. As such, forgiveness is an utterly intimate action, triggered by our willingness to do so, and whose effects primarily affect the person –you, me- doing the act of forgiving, the person forgiving.

Common wisdom tells us that to forgive is to forget. I believe that when we ascribe to such paradigm, we often find it hard to cope with the resulting guilt associated with the memory of the transgression. We most likely asked ourselves:
Did I not forgive?
Why do I still remember this stuff?
When will I ever forget about it?
We are more likely, then, to associate the discomfort brought on by the memory of the transgression with the transgression itself, only to then blame ourselves for not being able to forgive.

To forgive is to remember without bitterness, without anger, without anguish. True forgiveness is memory devoid of guilt.

So, if you happen to remember the transgressions, even after you’ve genuinely forgiven, know there is nothing wrong with you; you are not the lesser for remembering; you are just human, a living being with recorded personal history.

When the guilt is no longer, there are no villains in the picture; there is no righteous anger against them; there is no emotional taxation to be burden with.

This is the key use of forgiveness, as our portal to freedom; the freedom to remember without guilt, the freedom to look ahead into the future with hope; the freedom to move on, comforted in the notion that we’ve learned that which we were supposed to, through the experiences brought on by the forgiven transgressions.

When we forgive, we are no longer bound to the past, no longer prisoners to the misdeeds and the resulting anger, anguish and despair they bring.

Once we forgive, we can remember without fear, without the dread of reliving the transgressions.

When we forgive, we allow the past to remain where it belongs, in the past, and we allow the present center stage in our consciousness.

I have no way of knowing the magnitude of the transgressions you’ve experienced in your own life; far be it from me to presume you will be able to forgive every misdeed in turn, big or small, as the memory of it invades, and consumes your consciousness.

When you are ready, in your own time, tap into your ability to forgive. Begin to practice the action of forgiveness. Begin the process of forgiving yourself and others for those oppressing offenses.

Begin to peal away the layers of corroding anguish, misguided anger and paralyzing bitterness each time your memory revisits these incidents. Begin the shift into your present, into the vision of life you have for yourself, into your wellness.

In your own time, use the key of forgiveness to unlock your way into guilt-free memories.

In my view, we only have one shot at this journey called life; it’s urgent that we bring our full consciousness to participate in this experience, from which none of us is leaving alive.

Enough about that; now, let’s talk about you!

Start Paying Off Your SLEEP DEBT

2010-02-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

It’s probably a safe bet to assume you are not immune to the sleep depravation problems so familiar to many of us. If that’s the case, here is a good article full of interesting facts about our need for sleep.

http://www.helpguide.org/life/sleeping.htm

Remember, knowledge gives you the power to take effective action, so take a moment to read through it. Filter the information applicable to you and begin paying off your own personal sleep debt.

Sleep well, then, let’s talk about YOU!

Back to Basics

2010-02-18T07:04:00.000-08:00

For longer than we care to acknowledge, we’ve been hearing the rumblings noises of a collapsing economy. Progressively, however, for many of us those noises abruptly turned into living the effects of the loss of a job, the end of a career, the advent of a new reality.

It is this personal aspect that I want to talk with YOU about today: When it comes to personal finances, everyone, and I mean, everyone has an opinion as to how to deal best with YOUR finances.

The truth is, no one but YOU, understands best what it means to deal with the constant dread of loosing YOUR way of life, loosing the life YOU’ve become accustomed to, loosing YOUR sense of self.

I could go on, and on, about the bright side of things; about the new opportunities this new reality brings to YOUR life. The truth is, though, YOU and I both know, that any diatribe focused on that angle does little, or nothing, to help YOU cope with the dread of loosing it all.

YOU, and only YOU, have to deal with that nagging voice inside YOUR head; and so, the question becomes; what can YOU do to cope?

In that light, here are some things to consider:

Take a moment to figure out your expense priorities.
Find a “sounding board”, someone you trust, who you can talk to about dealing with your new reality.
Continue exploring your income potentials –keep all options open.
Finally, the increase stress brought on by your new reality will likely cause a spike in your blood pressure. A good mechanism to deal with this is to practice slow breathing on a daily basis. It’s free, and you can do it at anytime, anywhere.

Sure, there is always tomorrow, with chances to start over again; in the meantime, there is today, however, and adjusting to the portrait of YOUR new reality will take all the courage YOU can muster to keep in motion. Just keep at it. Now... Let's talk about you!

Go ahead, push that START button yet again.

2010-02-17T04:08:00.000-08:00

It’s that time of the year again; the time when our shadows cast by the lights on the floor follow us uninterrupted; when no longer scarce, we are greeted with an abundant supply of parking space on the lots; the time when our sweat droplets echo freely across the room.

Gone –at least for now- are the days of crammed spaces and the evil eye looks shot at us for using a particular apparatus past another's idea of long enough, or for taking up the spot someone else wanted, hell bent on following through with their workout routine. Those days filled with new year resolutions soldiers, disciplined and dedicated to whipping him or herself into shape, come hell or high water.

Today, most likely, we are back to our old selves; consumed with the day-to-day living priorities, we’ve forgotten about “self”. We are back to the comfort foods that sooth us; back to relinquishing control to the remote devices; back to mindlessly eyeing our ever-expanding midsections. In short, back to our comfort-zones.

Think that’s a bad thing; think again. It may not be such a bad thing after all; and that, of course, will solely depend on what we do next, as we are back to that place which motivated us in the first place; the place that prompted us to snap-out-of-it; the place from whence we began to take action; we began to make a change; we became that new year resolutions soldier, hell bent on following through with our scheduled workouts, come hell or high water.

In case you’ve forgotten, and chances are, you probably have, here are some reminders why you decided, and then, you continued to workout in the first place:

1- You felt out of shape: your body began to impede, rather than help you do what you wanted.

2- You noticed the energy boost you got from exercising routinely and from practicing sensible eating habits.

3- You loved your improved libido: yes, that sexual drive that prompted you to want more, to conquer, to share. The one which transformed you into the hunter, not the self-loathing, needy, defeatist pray, who’s self-pity only increased after each sexual episode.

Remember that YOU?

Remember how you got in touch with that YOU?

Remember how you enjoyed that YOU?

Well, that YOU is there for the taking, yet again.

It won’t be easy. Anything worthwhile seldom is. After all, while we do love the benefits of a healthy lifestyle; let’s go ahead and say it, putting in the work stinks; it sucks. Who wants to be spending thirty, sixty, ninety minutes a day, drenched in sweat, smelly and in pain? Who wants to deprive themselves, on the regular, of their blessed comfort foods? Who wants the aches and pains, signals of a body clamoring to return to the old days; back to its old comforting ways?

There is a reason why we got there in the first place. It felt great getting there!!

As a species we are highly wired to seek out comfort and to avoid pain. Change is guaranteed to cause pain. Unlearning old habits, while incorporating new ways, is easier said than done. So try not to panic when, motivated again, you hop back onto the healthy lifestyle train, only to find out that you’ve lost the conditioning you’ve acquired in your days as a new years resolutions soldier. Don’t be discouraged, as it will happen for sure; you will notice your diminished conditioning.

Remember, we faster loose conditioning than we are able to build, or, for that matter, rebuild it. Just pace yourself and take it one day at a time; one workout session at a time, one exercise at a time.

I’m encouraged in the notion that this reading will prompt you to re-connect with that new years resolutions soldier tucked away inside you. But, enough about me; now, let’s talk about you!

Quite Honestly…

2010-02-16T04:05:00.000-08:00

Frequently, we hear ourselves preaching how much we want people around us to be honest with us. How much we believe that we are honest in return. We say there is no other way to build a meaningful relationship without it, without honesty. On the other side of that equation, however, very few of us pause to ponder what to do with the impact such candor might have when it reveals uncomfortable things to us about ourselves or about the way we deal with our lives. Even fewer of us might step back for a moment to consider the impact –often devastating- our frankness might have on the person or people on the receiving end.

So, what am I saying?

I’m saying that it is important to consider WHY we are being candid to anyone and/or WHY anyone is being candid to us.

If we take a moment to ask, and then answer that three-letter word/question honestly to ourselves before acting or reacting, then we are more likely to achieve the desired impact of our candor.

In my view, honesty carries a great deal of responsibility; without it, our honest assumptions quickly translate into the impetuous recklessness of a self-absorbed petulant.

Think about it: quite often, in the name of honesty, we find it easy to blurt out an insult at someone who’s vexed us. How difficult it is for us –on the flip side- to issue a spontaneous praise; how quickly we tend to suppress it, satisfied with only having thought about it. Of what benefit is that unuttered praise to the one we thought of?

Take a moment to picture us as emotional caldrons. Now, picture the limitless amounts of the honeyed oil and the vinegar we hold in those caldrons. Now, imagine the impact of going around selectively pouring that honeyed oil or that vinegar out into other caldrons.

The acidity and tartness of the vinegar will make us cringe, where as the sweetness and smoothness of the honeyed oil invites us back for more.

In our lives we always have choices, and in making those choices we must always be aware of the responsibility they bring along. Simply put, we are responsible for the choices and for their impact. When we choose to be honest we are choosing to be either caring or hurting, either considerate or inconsiderate, either of help or of detriment to those we target with our candor.

Today I will take a moment to pause and consider the responsibility for my honest approach as I interact with the people around me, understanding that, in so doing, I’m honoring their feelings, their emotions, their understanding of self and the importance of these aspects in all of our lives.

Today I endeavor to consider the humanity, the intentions and the circumstances of the source, as I am on the receiving end of your candid overtures towards me. But, enough about me, now, let’s talk about you!

Simply Because I Care

2010-02-15T02:28:00.000-08:00

The now ubiquitous Sunday morning yoga class jolted me into a day that progressively kept getting better: following a quick, spur-a-the-moment, yoga studio shower, we headed out for a quick bite with a friend-in-the-making. A quiet, unassuming, handsome black man in his thirties, who took my “you are patient enough to be followed when driving, don’t you?” remark as a signal to treat us as aliens from another planet, who my be hopelessly lost should we loose sight of his car on the way there; instead of taking his normal rout on the highway, he took the back roads, extending a potentially ten minutes drive into an almost thirty minutes crawl. Finally there, when I asked him why? He sheepishly replied, “I was afraid you might get lost”.

Brunch was a breeze, as often is the case in those good-time moments in life, they go by quickly, almost imperceptibly.

We hurried on back home to meet this couple, friends of ours, who are moving into a new apartment. He is a taller than average, handsome, green eyed, geeky looking, Jewish guy, of quiet and openly welcoming disposition, with a passion for his wife. She, a life force, dark eyed, pretty brunet, exuding passionate restlessness for life; they arrived with news that he had suffered a deep cut on one of his hands, right at the base between two of his fingers. Befitting of his disposition, he didn’t seem to think much of it, as antibiotic ointment and band-aids should suffice to heal the wound in his mind. His wife, on the other hand, well, she was worried about going to the hospital and the implications that may come of that. At any rate, they settled on doing it his way.

Her soon-to-be former roommate completed the moving squad. A young guy of a average height, slightly built, possessing of paralyzing nervousness, apparently triggered by the unfamiliarity of newness; his quivering lips as he spoke betrayed his efforts to keep his energy dam from breaking.

Our task: to move an awkwardly shaped, mammoth relic of a color TV, heavy-as-sin to believers, into their new place. Somehow we got the job done without any major incident.

The couple then invited us to brunch, yes, our second brunch of the day: we spent the afternoon at a popular gay joint in town –a first for the soon-to-be former roommate-, which seemed only to increased his anxieties. Sharing beer and artery clogging, cheese food, we witness time fly by almost unnoticeably, as we chatted away about the beautifully mundane things that give meaning to our lives, engrossed in the pleasure of our willing companies.

Yes, engrossed in the pleasure of our willing companies.

We departed, each to continue on with our own separate lives; the couple, back to their on going moving chores, us, back to our quest to catch up on Oscar nominated movies, and the soon-to-be former roommate, back to his bachelorhood.

As the day came to a close I took stock of the day’s events, and I rejoiced in my good fortunes. I’m thankful for the moments I shared in the pleasure of their willing companies and the spiritual lubricant they brought. I realized how we all departed assuming we were the same people who greeted the morning’s sun as it rose welcoming a new day, almost unaware of the impact and the changes we brought to one another, and that’s OK. Enough about me, now, let’s talk about you.

Yes, I do love The Oscars!

2010-02-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

Every year around this time I look forward to the announcement of the Oscar Nominations, I get a hold of the list and I set about checking off each movie I’ve managed to see before the nominations, and then set out on a quest to see as many more nominees as I can before the big show. This is perhaps the main reason why I love the Oscars.

Most of us are somewhat familiar with the marry-go-round yearly Hollywood formula for movie releases: between January and April we get the lesser quality movies, the ones that rely heavily on the star-draw of the cast to get us into the movies, yet have nothing more than a cheep thrill to offer. Then there is the Summer Block Buster Season, which, up until the release of “Gladiator”, was an extension of the Early Year Season, loaded with gimmicky flix devoid of any real substance. Since “Gladiator”, however, Hollywood execs realized that people do seek refuge from the heat to go see a good movie in the summer time, so now Summer Season has become what I like to call the Hit-or-Miss Season, wherein we are just as likely to come across a substantive movie as we are to get the cheesy basic instincts pandering flix. And then there is the Oscars Season, the Fall Season, the Major Releases Season or whatever you choose to call it. The Heavenly Season for those who, like me, are delirious about substantive flix and performances. Way too short a season if you ask me.

Fall Seasons frequently gets me into frenzied weekends running around trying to cram in, two days at a time, as many flix as I can, then I go about shooting texts and emails to the people I come across about my movie going experiences.

On this season, however, I didn’t get to do as many weekend frenzied runs as I’d like to, so by the time the Oscar Nominations were announced, I realized I had a lot of catching up to do. I just wish there were movie complexes dedicated to running Oscar nominated movies between the nominations and the big show, but that’s a story for another blog.

It was during this on going run-to-catch-up that I caught up with “Nine”, “Food Inc.”, “Precious”, “Julie & Julia”, “The Blind Side”, “Star Treck”, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”,"Il Divo" -very ponderous, by the way- and “The Cove”.

“The Cove”: a riveting documentary depicting the on going yearly slaughter of thousands of dolphins in Taijii, Japan. A practice that, as depicted in “The Cove”, has been going on for years with the blessing and encouragement of the Japanese government, who –as shown in “The Cove”, goes to great lengths to keep this a secret from everyone, even the Japanese people not native to Taijii.

Why? You might ask. As the documentary shows, because Taijii, Japan is the world’s largest supplier of dolphins to the lucrative marine world tourism business; at an estimated $150.000 USD per dolphin Taijii fishermen have great incentives to hunt these animals down.

And this is just the beginning: if you are anything like me, an ordinary guy from somewhere, I can safely assume that had it not been for “The Oscars” you may not have heard about this documentary, and, perhaps, you might not even have a chance to see it.

That possibly being the case, here is a little bit of wisdom to keep at hand the next time you decide to visit a seaquarium near you: “The Cove” caught on film the capture and slaughter of dolphins by the Taijii, Japan fishermen. Every year between September and March the Taijii fishermen gang up, get on their fishing boats and set out to the dolphins gatherings off the shallow Japanese coastal waters. Equipped with large metal tubes mounted on their fishing boats, they place these large hallow metal tubes into the water and proceed to bang constantly on them with metal objects, this produces a disturbing wall of noise, which drive the sound hypersensitive dolphins into a desperate frenzy. Disoriented, the animals become easy pray; The Taijii fishermen continue the wall of noise, driving the frenzied dolphins to the shore of a cove where the fishermen then fence the dolphins in, effectively trapping them and impeding their escape. The next day “seaquarium tourist merchants” gather in the shallow cove waters inspecting and selecting dolphins to be send off around the world to the tourist seaquariums.

If you think this is an innocent practice, so far, think again: Dolphins are highly intelligent creatures, endowed with self-awareness, and a highly sensitive sonar communication system. In other words, they are conscious of what is taking place as it is happening, and, being sound oriented, captivity in places with large gatherings of cheering tourists seriously injures their health and can even kill them.

But if you are not about to give up on your thrill of a performing dolphin for your amusing entertainment, think about the ones that are not selected to perform at a seaquarium, the ones left behind.

“The Cove” captures the luck of this lot: Once the “seaquarium tourist merchants” have made their seaquarium shipment selections, the majority of the dolphins get left out, these left out dolphins are then driven by the Taijii fishermen to another “secret cove” where they are mercilessly slaughtered with harpoons. The massacre is so grand in scale that the waters of the cove turn into a sea of blood, a red sea.

The slaughtered animals are then disseminated into the Japanese markets, where their dissected parts are sold as whale meat, to hide the fact that dolphin meat is not fit for human consumption, due to its high levels of mercury.

The process is repeated over, and over, and over again each year between September and March. If this continues, it’s only a matter of time before Dolphins are a thing of the past.

WHAT’S MY TAKE AWAY?

“The Cove” experience made me sick to my stomach.

As I’m aware that my actions can impact this industry, with a one-man-one-vote approach, I decided not to eat any fish or fish products which I did not capture myself, and giving that I’m no fisherman, the chances of me eating fish are slim to none.

You will not ever find me among the seaquarium tourists.

And lastly, I encourage You to get a hold of “The Cove” see for yourself; and if so inclined, do something.

At the end of “The Cove” you are asked to text DOLPHIN to 44144 or got to TakePart.com/TheCove, if you want to help the dolphins.

I’m am encouraged in the notion that you will read this blog and you will find your own way to contribute. From my sprit to yours, thank you!

Am I Doing the Right Thing?

2010-02-11T07:41:00.000-08:00

As a Certified Professional Coach –Personal Coach, PC for short- I get up each morning and grab hold of a sense of reality, my own reality. I take stack of my surroundings, but more importantly, of my impression of my surroundings, for this will inform my decision making.

In my job as a PC I’m called upon to be objective, analytical, quizzical, pragmatic, and supportive and to exercise emotional empathy.

I want to expand a little on this last aspect. In my understanding, to exercise empathy is a two-prong endeavor: On the one hand I’m required to identify with and understand another person’s feelings and difficulties. On the other hand, however, I’m allowed to transfer my own feelings and emotions to another object of my attention, be that another person or a thing.

This begs the questions: In my professional approach should I even consider this separation? Would you trust me with your inner most private feelings, should I not? Would I be as effective as you require of me if I do consider this separation? In other words, would you trust a coach, in any field, who has demonstrated an inability to relate to you and your situation, regardless of his/her technical skills and knowledge? Would you trust that coach if s/he is demonstrably human, vulnerable, flawed?

These are important questions to me as I aspire to be the shore you rest upon as you navigate the strong tides in the ocean that is your life. Phrased differently, the objective of empathy is not empathy for empathy, but empathy as a means to an end, that end being You, your understanding of self, your life, your goals, your wants, your needs, your circumstance.

As a PC I see myself as an instrument, an aid to you in your quest to be the protagonist in your own life, and yes, a bridge, a helping hand between you and the dreams you have for yourself, your wants, your goals. I don’t have the answers, those are yours to find; however, I have the questions that will help lead you to find those answers.

In this archetype you should demand of me that I constantly ask myself: Am I doing the right thing? For in so doing, I am reminded of you, your need, your wants, your goals, and your dreams. I am reminded that I am to be the receptacle of your vulnerability and to transfer my humanity to you as you do the same for me.

Am I doing the right thing? I sure hope so. I leave it to you to find, give me the answer, however.

As you continue the commanding move of your life in the direction of your own ideals, goals and dreams, I ask that you be my palpable evidence that I am indeed doing the right thing. As you bring yourself to me, I’ll meet you at you, as you meet me at me too. But, enough about me, now, let’s talk about you!