Driving Under The Influence?

On the road of life there are passengers and there are drivers.  Passengers ride out their lives at the whim and speed of their drivers. Drivers are the decision makers, they decide the what, the when, the where, the why and the how to blaze a life trail.

You are a passenger whenever you sacrifice your better judgment to that of another on life altering matters, for instance:

• To accommodate the prevailing conventional wisdom, you decide to find a life companion of a different sex, despite knowing at your core that you are attracted to people of your same sex.
• To satisfy your parents you decide to go to any other school, different from that which you truly wanted.
• Not to anger your partner, you take and remain at a job that makes you miserable.
• On a more routine level, you defer to your partner the choice of your clothes, your hobbies, your food, etc.  

You get the picture, you allow others to make the decisions that are yours to make.

Proactive decision makers are the drivers on the road of life; everything, from the most insignificant to the more important issues are decided through a willful weighing of the pros and cons of the alternatives before them. Drivers tend not to defer the important decisions to others in their lives: They decide where they want to live and work, if and when to be coupled and with whom, if and when to have children, etc.

Yet, there is a hybrid category on the road of life few care to acknowledge, the backseat drivers: people who, despite being in the passenger seat, press on the imaginary breaks at the perception of a potential crash; they can’t help but blurt out their suggested route and they get easily annoyed when the driver dismisses their suggestion. Backseat drivers are oblivious to the fact they are not the ones at the wheel, they assume command, turning divers into chauffeurs who are there to take them where they want to go.

While this may work very well in real cars driving on real roads, driving under the influence of a backseat driver on the road of life makes you a passenger in your own life. You may be at the wheel, but you’ve allowed your backseat driver or drivers to take command of your life.  Should you continue down that road, it should be of no surprise to you to wake up one morning to the realization that your life went by you before you had a chance to live it.

We only have one shot at this experience we call life. It is incumbent upon us to give it a shot, pull the trigger, seize charge, take a chance, and have at it. The only guaranteed result is the knowledge that we did it our way, the way it’s supposed to be done, not in the shadows of the whims of another.

When it is all said and done, would you have driven under the influence, or would you have done it out of free will.  The choice is yours, now, let’s talk about you!

Dear Coach

Question: I’ve been going with this guy for quite some time now.  The sex is out of this world and we have a lot of fun when we are together.  I want someone like him to settle down with and to be the father of my children.  He is not interested in settling down, though –at least, not with me. What can I do?  Bewildered.

Answer: Dear Bewildered. It’s great that at least you are getting the sexual satisfaction you want and deserve in your life. It is also wonderful that you have a friend to share a lot of fun moments with when you are together. That said, please take a moment and try wearing your friend’s shoes for size:  What would you do if your friend wanted more from you than you are willing or able to offer/give?  How would that make you feel?  How would that affect the relationship between you and your friend who wants more than you have for him? Will you even want to continue having him as a friend knowing he wants more than you can or want to give?

Often, we get caught up in the folly of our own ambitions, our own feelings, our own wants, neglecting to pause and see things from the perspective of the other person in the equation. The result is a myopic and self-serving approach, which can only spoil a good thing.

What am I saying?

Bewildered dear, it sounds like you have a good thing going with this friend of yours; as good as it is for you both however, it is not good enough for you, thus, you have a decision to make. Here are your choices.

1. Keep the status Quo:  Enjoy your friend and what he has to offer for all that it is worth. This will continue to supply you with the sexual satisfaction you have come to enjoy and expect from the encounters between the two of you. In addition, you will continue to create moments of joy/fun whenever you get together with this friend.

2. Move on: One good thing you both have going is the candor you share.  You’ve obviously conveyed your wants to him and he has replied letting you know that what you both share is as good as it gets, and enough for him.

The choice, ultimately, is yours to make. Keep in mind that whatever your decision, you need to respect his position as he is called upon to respect yours.

Regarding your want to have children. The responsible, adult thing to do is to seek someone else who can tap into your sexual fountain of joy and with whom, as with your friend, you enjoy spending your time. Just let it be someone who, in turn, wants to be the father of your babies and wants to have you as a life partner.

Children are precious gifts to us. With that gift comes great responsibilities, which begin even before the moment of conception and continue on through the rest of their lives. Treat them as the treasures they are. You begin by laying a solid foundation for them to be raised. You as their parent  are to create an atmosphere devoid of the unnecessary tensions, brought on because mom and dad made the decision of getting and staying together against one  or both of their wills. Now, let's talk about you!

In Perspective: Spiritual But Not Religious

More and more people these days use this phrase in an attempt to contextualize and convey their own understanding of and relationship with the divine.

From the unset, there are a number of “must” questions, plaguing inquiring minds when hearing this phrase.

Define religion. What is it?

There are countless definitions of religion that can be found with the click of your mouse. For the purposes of this blog we’ll define religion as a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs. (Dictionary.com)

Define spiritual. What is it?

Predominantly, the web and other information outlets are littered with examples of a negative connotation of spirituality, in that the trend is to view it as opposed to religion, a fashion of the reckless young, eager to do away with the boundaries imposed by religious observances. For the purposes of this essay however, we will simply define spiritual as that which pertains to the spirit or soul, as distinguished from the physical nature, relating to the mind or intellect.

Can one be religious without being spiritual and vice-versa?

Yes, understanding that both religiosity and spirituality are both intellectual exercises, it follows logic that one can chose between the two, without the one necessarily being tied to the other.

Does the distinction between the two really matter and why?

The distinction is important only in its attempt to clarify the realm of each subject matter. Religion addresses a set of beliefs, generally shared by a number of individuals, involving a series of dogmas and rituals, which inform their understanding of their relationship to place, time and the universe. Spirituality focuses on understanding the ethereal nature of humans, and that of all other “living” forms of energy, their relationship to each other and the universe.

Neither Religion nor spirituality should rank above the other in my understanding. Simply put, they are both intellectual tools at our disposal to inform and cater to our need to understand that which we cannot explain through other means. Understanding the intellectual nature –a human activity generated by our will to exercise it- of both these concepts, explains why you can be religious and not spiritual, spiritual and not religious, and/or religious and spiritual at the same time, which ever your inclination.

Regardless of your proclivity, your persuasion, it is important to respect that of the others around you as they too have traveled their own personal path to arrive at their own understanding. Thus, respect is paramount when addressing matters of religion or spirituality, for, just as you, others deserve their own “breathing space” to be. In other words, as in pretty much everything in life, your decisions about religion, spirituality and the question of God are yours to make; the rest of us are called to respect such deeply personal decisions. Now, let’s talk about you!

See Something? Say Something!

The other night I went to see “Alice In Wonderland” at a movie complex close to home. I was exited to see yet another of Johnny Depp’s performances, the guy is my favorite actor.  In a sign of the times, I noticed that at this particular movie theater they no longer had a box office window; instead, the concessions stands attendants are now selling the movie tickets as they are dispensing your favorite popcorn and soda combos to you.

I’m all for cost cutting wherever possible. I draw the line at sacrificing the quality of the product or the service offered when cutting costs.

I got the ticket and headed to the designated screen room, excited to see what Mr. Depp was up to this time around.

I was increasingly disappointed, and disgusted, as I entered the room, where isle after filthy isle was filled with leftover garbage; apparently the place had not been cleaned all day. Determined not to be deterred, I found my way to the back of the room, where I sat and did my best to ignore the pigsty I was sitting in watching the movie. I can’t deny the negative impact the place had on my experience, however.

Once it was over, I suppressed my urged to say something about the mess to the attendants at the concessions stand. Instead, I left the place and headed home, disappointment written all over my body language.

The following night I reluctantly decided to go back to the same movie complex close to home. This time to watch another movie I had in mind, “Shutter Island” with Leonardo DiCaprio, another one of my favorite actors along with Brad Pitt.

This time, however, I mentioned the pigsty experience of the night before with the Johnny Depp movie to the attendants at the concessions stand.  I was careful not to place blame, while addressing the problem. The young lady at the stand had a go at an apology, she tried to explain away how the place got to be that filthy.  I reiterated to her that I was not looking to place blame on her or any other of her co-workers, because this was a management issue.  I told her that regardless of the situation, having people sit in a pigsty to watch a movie is unacceptable.

She offered to have me speak with the manager if I wanted to.  She phoned him while I was there and asked him to come out and speak with me.  After a back and forth between them, he reluctantly agreed. The minutes were ticking away and the time for “Shutter Island” was fast approaching as I waited... and waited....and waited in front of the concessions stand with an increasingly fidgeting young lady, nervous at the absence of her manager, even after the couple of follow up calls she made to him. 

At last, a young man entered the scene emerging from the back rooms. I asked his name, which turned out not to be that of the manager, so I asked him for his manager? He told me that the manager was not in.  I told him that I did not appreciate being lied to, and to please go back and tell his manager that I would speak with him when the issue became important to him, which apparently at the time it wasn’t.  I told him I had a movie to see, thanked him for his time, turned and headed to my movie. 

On my way out of “Shutter Island”, which I enjoyed in a clean room, the same young man approached me and asked me to wait; he said the manager wanted to hear what I had to say.

They called the manager. Another young pleasant man appeared, he apologized for not talking with me earlier. He listened to my complaint, and promised to correct the situation. Additionally, he offered to give me free passes. 

I thanked him and turned down his free passes. I told him that my interest is only to have a clean room to enjoy the movie. 

He again reassured me he would get on it.

I have not yet been back to check, nor is it my intent to do so. I take comfort in the notion that this incident will serve as a reminder to them of the importance of delivering on promise.  

My movie going experience is far from life altering, yet, it’s a good example of how we often choose be silent and quiet about unacceptable situations, only perpetuating the damage they bring, when the best approach is obviously to address the situation we seek to improve. So, if you see something, do something, say something, manifest your power, the outcome might pleasantly surprise you. Now, let’s talk about you!

You Are So Emotional!

 
Generally, when labeled “emotional” it is done in a reproving way; one who habitually gives into the tide of your unbridled emotions; one who is “Inspired or governed by emotion rather than reason or will-power”. It is not uncommon to picture an emotional you as someone trapped by your reactionary responses  -generally negative, and always out of your control- to the things, people and places around you. For instance…

• You can’t help but feel overwhelmingly sad and lonely when rejected by a loved one. You then give into the sluggishness that follows, you neglect the important things and people in your life and you become a recluse, enveloped in your own emotional cocoon, distant from the world around you.

• You are quick to anger; almost anything and anyone will send you into a rage, paralyzing your reason and unleashing a torrent of emotions typically dominated by verbal and physical violence.

•  Ill informed by your emotions, you turn your back on your aspirations, your friends and your family in blind pursuit of a future with another.

Like these, there are plenty of examples why “emotional” people are not the kind you want to be labeled as. There is too much of nothing good, nothing smart, nothing worthy associated with being emotional, this is why no one wants to be labeled emotional these days. To be called such is to be tabbed a lesser person, incapable of rising to achieve normalcy, incapable of reasoning.  An emotional you, now a days is viewed as someone whose brain has gone on a back seat vacation, someone dominated by brainless basic instincts.

Could it be, however, that as humans we are all emotional beings?  If such is the case, are we the lesser for that? Could it be that even our ability to reason is an emotional response to stimuli?

Yes, yes, there are plenty of reasons why being “emotional” may not be such a good thing, and yet, there are other compelling examples of emotional responses that are deemed good for us: Our ability to give and receive what we know as Love, for instance, that driving force, which motivates us to accomplish the seemingly unattainable. The feelings that drive us to reach out in aid of another who is in peril. And, how about our need to protect our loved ones against any and all danger that may come their way?  

These are all emotional/rational responses informed by our environmental stimuli.

So what is it that I am getting at?

If nothing else, I want you to understand the futility and, ultimately, the damage caused by our inclinations to suppress and deny our emotions. 

To be “emotional” is to be alive.  Emotions are like thoughts, endlessly streaming in and out of our consciousness.  Emotions are bound to dominate your existence until you are no longer.  

Rather than denying or suppressing them, rather than labeling ourselves and others as lesser for expressing them, rather than creating a dividing line between our emotions and our ability to reason, we should tap into our so called Emotional Intelligence to sort through the challenges we face.

So what is Emotional Intelligence?

There are many possible definitions of Emotional Intelligence, which can be found on the Internet. For our present purposes we’ll simply say that Emotional intelligence is our ability to use our emotions to enhance our thought process. In other words, rather than being dominated by, or prisoners to our emotions, we exercise our Emotional Intelligence by using –not denying- our emotions to enhance our decision-making.

So the next time you are at a crossroads -and you will be for sure- grappling with one of those life-altering decisions, be emotional, don’t be crippled by them, or by attempting to denying them; tap into your Emotional Intelligence to process them and find the answers you need. Now, let’s talk about you!

Move or Die!

In a study published in The American Heart Association journal Circulation, researcher Dr. David Dunstan; head of physical activity at the Baker IDI Heart and Diabetes Institute in Melbourne, Australia discovered that you are likely to die an early death by an increase of 18 % from cardiovascular disease and of 11% from all other diseases for every hour you spend sitting around, be it watching TV or doing any other physically passive activity during your day. And the bad news just keep piling on: as it turns out, people who spend four or more sedentary hours during their day, be it watching TV, reading or lounging around, raise the volume on calling the Grim Reaper by 46% through all other disease channels and by a whopping 80% through the popular cardiovascular disease way.

Now, if you are the kind who gets your daily dose of exercise out of the way in one daily hourly session, only to revert back to your default couch hopping sedentary habits during the rest of your day, you might want to reconsider that practice.  You are not much the better off for that: if you workout intensely for only one hour a day, and sit around for the rest, you are not doing enough to stab off the Grim Reaper, he has a whopping 15 to 16 waking hours on you, to ensure that your couch hoping hastens his coming.

What can you do?

First: Get used to the fact that no way, no how, are you leaving here alive.  Let’s face it, we are all going to die at some point, it’s natural; death is a part of life.

Second: Once you are at peace with the reality that your forever is limited to your lifetime; you will die at some point, focus on living your life to the fullest.

Third: Make it a habit to get up and move around during your day, avoid sitting or lying around for long periods of time –more than an hour at a time- during your waking hours. Get up and walk around, move around.

Lastly: In addition to your newfound mobility, incorporate healthy food choices into your eating habits.

As they prolong your life and delay the inevitable date you have with the Grim Reaper, these practices will also enhance your quality of life. New mobility will help put a stop to the buildup of cholesterol plaques in your arteries, preventing the onset of the deadly cardiovascular diseases. As you move around you will increase your blood flow through your body, breathing the life giving oxygen and more energy into your organs. As a result, you will have a better outlook and disposition towards life as a whole. Now, get up and move, then let’s talk about you!

Breakaway!

Your life can be so hectic at times that living through each day gets in the way of living.

You get up in the morning and if you are lucky, you might have a chance to vacuum down some breakfast before heading out the door to face the world.  Once out there, you are consumed with each task in turn, each client in turn, each issue they present to you in turn.  Around midday, if you remember and have a chance, you grab a bite to eat and then rush back to your work routine, where, again, you busy yourself with the problems immediately before you.

Zapped of energy, you crawl out of the workplace and into your moving device back to whatever it is you do after work: to the TV remote back home, for most; for others, night school, kids, spouses, and family chores; the better part of your day flys by without you having a moment for yourself.  The picture does not change much at nighttime as you prepare to do it all over again the next day, and then the next. Before you know it, a day turns into a week, then a month and so on.

In the process you’ve sacrificed your me-time; those special moments you spend with friends, loved ones, or to yourself, just living.

What to do?

Here are some suggestions.

Carve out some time in your week, reach out to a friend or two, and schedule a get-together for the heck of it. Once there, check/leave your daily concerns at the door.  Enjoy the moment. Live!

Treat yourself: schedule a body massage; give yourself the chance to experience what it feels like to be pampered.

If you are so incline, make some time for meditation; get in touch with your senses, with the life around you.

While doing at least one of these breakaway suggestions will bring you the momentary reprieve you need, you will get the most benefit out of making it a habit; incorporate it into your routine. I suggest you try this approach for at least the next eight weeks to experience significant changes. It’s never too late to turn around and regain control of your life and circumstance. Have a go at it. Breakaway!

Now, let’s talk about you!

Me, MY FRIENDS, And I

I could take this chance to go on, and on about an intellectual, politically correct and self-righteous idea of friendship. I could stand on a pedestal of moral platitudes and preach to you about what being a friend really is. Easier yet, I could cough up self-serving examples of friendships in my own life.


Aside from possibly impressing you as you read along, what good would it be to you? How will that improve your relationships? What would be your take away?


Truth be told, I don’t know of any “how to” manual with prescriptions on building a time-tested friendship. All I know for sure is that you first have to care to be a friend, to have a friend.


What am I saying?
I’m saying that regardless of the passage of time and regardless of the circumstances, a friend is someone with whom you care to let go and be yourself. In other words, care, trust, honesty and emotional integrity are at the core of being/having a friend.


Huh?
Try learning about someone you don’t care for.
Try letting go and being yourself with someone you can’t trust.
Try being honest with someone you know is not honest with you.
Try pouring your emotions out to someone you fear might turn against you.


Of course you cannot!


The true measures of friendship, thus, are not time and circumstance, but care, trust, honesty and emotional integrity.


In time friends will come and go in and out of our lives, each leaving their own little lesson-bits for us to learn. Given the circumstances, friends are sure to lie to us, they are sure to disappoint, sure to betray, sure to hurt. More over, we are just as likely to do the same to them. And, if we’ve been lucky enough to deposit valuable assets in the emotional bank account we started with our friend, we’ll find enough care, plenty of trust, sufficient truth, and adequate emotional integrity to move on and continue being friends.


These elements are why we feel as though it was just a moment ago when we hear from a friend who we haven’t seen or heard from in years. It’s because of these that we can pick up the conversation right where we left off, despite the passage of time. These are what compel us to embrace and forgive in the face of hurt and disappointment. These are the elements which allow a perfect stranger an intimate window into our lives, if only fleetingly.


Yes, my friend, I am such because you care; I am such because you trust me; I am such because you believe in me; I am such because you can be yourself with me.

So, the next time you are tempted to question if your friends are truly such, find out if you really care, and why. Find out if you really trust. Seek to know if you can truly be yourself around this or that friend you question. Your answers will give you what you seek.

Relationships, and more specifically friendships, are as fluid as we are. You are not the person you were ten, five, or even two days ago. Change and evolution are the only constants informing your identity. Embrace your own evolution to allow room for your friendships to evolve with you. Now, let’s talk about you!

When Love Is No Longer Enough

If you’ve been around long enough, you’ve probably experienced the pain brake ups bring. Each time, no doubt, breaking up was not even a distant thought when you met the one; that special someone with whom you eagerly got on the road to forever. With love as your vessel, you paved away the potholes, swirled around the roadblocks, navigated through the litter, dominated the dangerous curves, the cliffs, and forged your way through the virgin forest of your future together; all the while growing stronger in your love for one another.

And then, seemingly as a surprise, the glue of love is no longer enough to hold your bond together, you begin to drift apart; your once parallel tracks are now blazing their own trails, away from the other. The when, the how, the why this happened diminished in importance as you busied yourself carving out a new vision of life without the other. The important regrets are only those, which remind you of your bond, and arrest you from your future without it. You can’t quite remember, or even want to, what it was that brought you together; all you want is to be free of the burden of this relationship.

And still, your newfound hunger for independence is fraught with guilt, dominated by worries and sleeplessness. Your agony gets more acute as you are aware of the love you still have for the other. Afraid of the pain of the separation, you resort to alternatives that only keep you lingering on, souring the sweet, postponing the inevitable, and increasing the pain. You’ve lost yourself in the process. You no longer recognize the reflecting mirror image of yourself gazing back at you. It’s time to break away.

When love is no longer enough, try holding on to your true identity.  Be honest with yourself and with your partner.  Caring candor will sooth the wounds and the pain of the separation. If possible, try having a conversation to come up with, and implement, an exit plan.  If this is not possible, seek the help of an arbiter, a professional go-between, to help you sort through the pressing issues. Be considerate of your feelings and those of your partner.

When love is no longer enough, emotions are raw; your spirit is vulnerable and susceptible to wounds and permanent scars. Seize upon your dignity and your integrity to pull you through the seemingly endless darkness that remains.

If there are children involved, remember their feelings; attend to their needs.  Talk with them; be sure to clear them of any and all responsibility in the matter, as they no doubt will default to blaming themselves for the split when love is no longer enough.

When love is no longer enough to glue, use it to forge a new relationship, a budding friendship. Bear in mind that good people are not always meant to be together in a relationship. You are still good, just not for the other in that way.  Find the courage within you to embrace your new reality and begin to build the healing process for yourself and your loved ones.

As experience shows over and again, this too shall pass, time will ameliorate the situation, the pain will subside and you will be left to live the new reality you create when love is no longer enough. Let’s talk about you!

Focus

Ours is a world dominated by modern societies wherein we are constantly bombarded with a plethora of choices for whatever whim crosses our consciousness. In a typical morning, for instance, we are likely to awaken to informational choices coming from: TV, radio, papers, magazines, and the Internet, to name a few. Add to these the options of cable vs. network, local vs. national, national vs. global, etc.

Other choices involve more mundane aspects of our lives, such of coffee vs. tea, cereal vs. toast, eggs vs. bacon. Other more complicated choices concern our life companion, our profession, our place of work, and our neighborhood.

These choices become important to us because they inform our understanding of who we are, and their consequences will contribute to, or detract from, our peace of mind.

Let’s face it, whether we like it or not, in life we have to make choices. Given the importance of the choices we make and the effects they bring upon others, and us, our challenge is to train ourselves to remain focused. The accessibility to modern communication gadgets only increases our inability to stay focused; at every moment we are bombarded with so much information “concerning our lives” it becomes almost impossible to keep up. We run around in frustration trying to stay up to date with the latest trend in this or that or the other.

What to do? You ask.

How can I focus when I’m constantly bombarded with so many distractions?

Is there anything I can do to resolve this situation?

Try starting by identifying your priorities.  Make it manageable, start with three to five priority areas you want to focus your attention on this day.

Once you’ve identified your priority areas, create a plan of action.

Implement your action plan by taking specific actions, steps to address your priorities.

Lastly, at your day’s end, take stock of your accomplishments in your priority areas.

Over time this simple practice will reacquaint you with your ability to focus. This in turn, will allow you to make more informed decisions.  The satisfaction you derive from making more informed decisions will give you a real sense of control and accomplishment.  You will become more adept at chipping away at the excesses dominating your daily routines.

Remember, who you are today is a result of the choices you’ve made.  In other words, as you stay focused on your priorities, the choices you make will enable you to live the life you want and to manifest the person you know yourself to be. Stay focused, and then let’s talk about you!

Back To Center

Picture this-
Following yet another usual night’s sleep –a concatenation of intermittent cat-naps, laced with spurts of consciousness-, you get up in the morning feeling out of sorts, listless and edgy. You rock your brain trying to find out why, yet you find no answer, nothing comes to mind.
The situation gets more acute as your day progresses. You can’t understand why; all you know is that there isn’t anything you feel good about and you are easily irritated and emotionally vulnerable.


It may or may not surprise you to know that generally our emotional imbalance is rooted in seemingly unrelated sources, such as nutrition, rest and hydration. The absence or lack of any of these sources can trigger changes in our bodies that adversely affect our emotions.


If this is a familiar picture to you, here are three easy steps you can take to deal with the situation:

1. Take the time to have a healthy breakfast. If you are not allergic to them, incorporate fruits and nuts into your breakfast. Make sure to get your daily ration of fiber as well.

2. Turn your brain switch off: Create nighttime routines to signal to your brain that you are about to retire for the night. Try moving your TV and computer out of the bedroom. Aromatherapy can be a good idea. A nighttime bath/shower won’t hurt. The idea is to incorporate relaxation practices into your nighttime routine.

3. Hydration is one of the easiest and most important things you can do to maintain your emotional balance. Our bodies are primarily made of water; it’s only logical that the water depletion will lead to a myriad of physical and emotional inconveniences. By maintaining your body properly hydrated you can keep headaches and other aches and pains and the radiating negative disposition they bring, from happening.


Follow these simple practices on your way back to center then, let’s talk about you!

Earthquake

I was sitting in the living room watching TV, just about the only thing we were allowed to do during Easter Season in my household.  I grew up in a family dominated by strong beliefs about this season, most of which started with the word “Don’t”: don’t drink, don’t eat meat, don’t go to the beach, don’t have sex, don’t go out… You get the picture. I did not know it then, conditioned as I was, I enjoyed and look forward to the religious movies on the subject of Christ and the liberation of the Jewish people from Egypt as my only distractions.

As I later realized, earthquakes were not unusual during Easter Season in my country, pretty often we got shook up by at least one each season. Which only reinforced the validity of the "don't" policies dominating my household.

As this particular one hit, it took me a moment to realize that it was I –chair and all- moving towards the TV, and not the other way around. I jumped up and ran to the front door; grabbed on to the door frame for balance and support, as I watched the solid ground roll, as if an ocean, wave after loud undulating wave, lifting and dropping the rows of houses lining each side of the street.

There are no words to describe the terror I felt, the impotence. To know that your life, and whether you live or die, is out of your control and can happen at any moment is a sobering awakening.

After what seemed like an eternity, the elusion of solidity returned to the ground, and people in my neighborhood felt safe enough to move about reassuring their neighbors and inspecting the damage done to their houses.

In the grand scheme of things, this was a minor dust up: no one was injured, no one died; houses were barely damaged, none collapsed, and yet the imprint of the experience remains with me to this day. I still remember how everything but your neighbors well being lost importance, how people reached out to one another to give and receive reassurance, how we were there for each other without a doubt, how everyone forgot their personal grievances.

Recently, people in Haiti and Chile have gone through major earthquakes. The devastation is mind numbing. Survivors have the seemingly impossible task of having to move on with their lives.

Please take a moment to find out and do what you can to help.  You might know a person or two, who knows a person or two who are related to someone from these affected areas. Reach out; help. A comforting word of acknowledgement can go a long way. Do that, then, let's talk about you!