About A Boy -Omar.

On this morning he was playing with my little nephew and me, sitting in the living room of our home. Mom could be heard in the back ground, busied in the kitchen preparing breakfast. It was so early, that my sisters hadn’t risen out of bed yet. Omar must have been no more than eight or nine at the time; Enrique, my little nephew, must have been five, at the most. I was in my early teens, living through that awkward “big-boy” stage, reluctant to give up on childhood, while eager to be a grown up –or at least a teenager’s understanding of such.

Early as it was, this was not the most unusual aspect of this picture. That became painfully etched in Omar’s little face the moment mom made an entrance from the kitchen into the living room. The blood hastily drained from his face in fright, leaving a pale ghost-like impression on his countenance. Yes, Omar was terrified of my mother.  Several times before, upon hearing her voice, or noticing her approach, he would run away in fright.  It was all very comical to us. We never quite understood why.  I suspect it was the thunderous voice my mom had at the time, but that’s just my guess.

On this morning, however, Omar somehow overcame his initial fright; he looked at me for reassurance, then remained seated playing with us in the living room. Pretty soon he was back to his happy-go-lucky child self, guffawing and quarrelling in turn with us as we played, mom being nothing but a barely perceptible, unthreatening memory to him. 

He was as happy as can be when he left the house; he even allowed mom a soft hair-ruffling stroke on his head as he left. His unusual behavior was the talk of the morning in our household. We were delighted.

Later that morning, or the following –I don’t quite remember- I was on my way to the “Pulperia”; as I headed down the gravel hill to the little store I heard Omar’s familiar voice calling me.  I turned around to see his little body bouncing around on the back of a bamboo hauling truck thundering up the hill.  Omar used one hand to wave at me, a big smile etched on his face, as he struggled to stay bellied down on the flat, wooden, fenceless surface of the bouncing empty back of the truck. 

I waved back at him, happy to see him, barely noticing, and, instantly dismissing his obvious peril.

The truck rumbled away up the hill with Omar having the time of his life, as I walked my way in the opposite direction.

I was barely out of the “Pulperia” when another kid ran up to me –terror in his eyes- yelling, “Dennis, Dennis, Omar…. Omar…”

“What about Omar”? I said. 

“He is dead; he is dead”.

“Quit playing. It’s not funny. I just saw him heading up the hill on the back of a truck”

“Yes.” He replied. “I’m not playing. He fell off the truck”…

I ran up that gravel hill so fast, it was as if I was levitating. Tears gushing, I made it to the gruesome scene, where a man thought this an opportune and appropriate moment to teach the neighborhood kids a lesson. He repeatedly removed the stained white blanket covering Omar, admonishing the growing crowd of gathering kids about what can happen when jumping on the back of trucks.

In time, I’ve witness the departure of more loved ones than I care to count: Mom, grandparents, friends, girlfriends, cousins, uncles, aunts, grade-aunts, pets. Each, in turn, leaving their own signature scar on my heart and a void impossible to fill.

Like Omar, I still remember them all with a mixture of joy and sadness: the joy of the memories we created together and the sad awareness of their permanent departure.

Today, molded by the gifts of them, my spirit rejoices in their memory.

Certainly, in your own journey through life you will, if not yet have, experience the loss of loved ones. Take a moment to rejoice in their presence and co-create in the memories you will have as your only companion when they are gone. Now, let’s talk about you!

You Have A Right To Remain… Healthy

The health care debate resumes today in Washington with President Obama convening a Summit with Congress leaders to hash out government health care policy details. In the meantime, though, thousands of Americans live in fear, dreading the effects of falling ill.

What will happen if I get sick?

How much will it cost?

How will I be able to afford it?

These are just some of the questions plaguing ordinary Americans as Congress plays electoral politics.

If you are one of those lucky enough not to have lost your life in this process, you’ve probably given up on the whole fallacy that is the political process.

Take action!

Have a multi-prong, multilayered approach to your personal health care:

Politically: 

·         Find out the names of your political representatives in Congress: a quick Internet search is a good starting point.

·         Voice your healthcare concerns: Mail your letters to your representatives in Congress on a weekly or monthly basis; use the day or date of your birth as a memory cue.

·         Be an educated voter: Find out their position on healthcare and other issues important to you.

·         Spread the word: Talk to your friends, co-workers, family and acquaintances and encourage them to reach out to their representatives in Congress.

Physically:

·         Break a sweat: get yourself on a reasonable exercise program. If you are not physically impaired or limited, make the time for working out on a regular basis.

·         Monitor your weight regularly.

·         Monitor your health: If you have one, have a conversation with your personal doctor, voice your concerns and work together on creating solutions.

Nutritionally:

·         Create nutritionally sound eating habits by incorporating healthy choices into your diet.

·         Increase your intake of vegetables, fruits and leafy greens.

·         Check the labels on your groceries: make sure you get products low in artificial sweeteners, sodium, calories, trans and saturated fats.

These steps will not prevent you from life threatening events outside of your control. The purpose is to pinpoint things you can do to regain some measure of control over your life and your health.

You are the only one benefited by your good health care practices, why then, should you expect others to be as committed as you are to your own health care? Think about it. Now, let’s talk about You!

You Lie!

Many of us remember that utterance cast at President Obama, as he addressed Congress, by some attention craver sitting in the crowd. While today we have become accustom to, and indeed expect, repeated evidence of our politicians interesting relationship with the truth, in that particular instance, that phrase, targeted at this particular president, was widely viewed as false and inappropriate.

The truth is, each day we awake to a myriad of lies as we go about our lives. Joining politicians in this practice are a number of characters in the public sphere: celebs, media talking heads, and big corporate figureheads, to name a few.  And that doesn’t bother us as much.

Why, you ask?

Because these cases are not personal to us.

In our interpersonal relationships, however, we don’t dismiss lying so easily.

Why is this?

Take a moment to think about it:

What if you awake one day to find that your parents are not really your parents?

What if you stumble up on that secret affair your spouse, or loved one, has kept from you?

What if you are the one keeping that secret affair?

Our interpersonal relationships are fraught with the purest of emotions. Assuming they are built on trust, we quickly dispel our guard and we deposit our vulnerabilities into the hands of that other. Now, when reality checks in it is often different than expected, bringing disappointment along, and the results can be catastrophically devastating.

Our innate ability, and want, to trust is at the core foundation of our interpersonal relationships; to lie eats away at that foundation and can spell doom to that relationship.

Now, what is a lie, and, why do we lie?

A lie is an intentionally false representation of things, as we know them. Fueled by fear, we lie to avoid the truth and it’s consequences.

At some point, or another, we’ve all given into our shortcomings, doing things we are not so proud of. Owing up to that, however, can be terrifying; we fear loosing life as we know it; loosing the affection of our love-ones, and so, we lie, to find out later that the actual lie was more reprehensible than the action which motivated it in the first place.

Why is this?

Lying directly targets the person we are lying to. Giving into our shortcomings primarily affect us and the other willing partakers.

Think about it. Let’s say, for instance, you are having a secret affair with a third someone.  Only you and this other are affected by the awareness of this affair. If you then lie about it to your other half, well…enough said.

What’s your take away?

Truth = Trust

Lie = Fear 

You decide which of these you want to prevail in your relationship with those you care about. Now, let’s talk about you!

Gossiping 101

I was barely in my twenties then, rooming with other life dreamers, convinced we’d make a significant impact on life as it were; our ticket to success, College. Life was fun, challenging and exhilarating then.  Rooming with like-minded people, however, did little to eliminate the corrosiveness of gossiping among us. 

Guilty as charged, I engaged in gossiping as much as the next guy and girl.  Then something happened.  I found out about some juicy gossip one of my roommates was spreading about me.

Whether it was based on truths or not, is not the point; the point is the devastating effect it had on me: I felt betrayed, angry, hurt. Then, without my wanting, my thoughts shifted to my gossiping roommate and to the equally damaging gossips I’d spread about him.  I realized, then, how hurtful this practice can be, and began my own personal journey of freeing myself from this habit.

Later on, as I fully joined the workforce, I witnessed the damage of idle gossiping in the workplace. Eventhough I no longer work in an office setting, I remember the damage to the bottom line gossip can bring.

The interesting thing is that nowadays when my friends have complaints about their jobs, it is seldom related to the job itself. Often the problems have to do with a coworker: someone said something about another, and then that person… you get the picture.

If You Are The Target Of The Gossip

If you find out about some office gossip about you, the news will put you out of focus, you will be, muddled, unsure of yourself, bewildered. Chances are you will spend more time preoccupied about controlling the damage than you will about your real priority, doing your job.

If the gossip is among your personal friends in your private life, you will begin to question their loyalty and their trustworthiness.

If the gossip is work related, you might fear loosing your job. If it is personal, you may be feeling violated and picked on. 

If you are the target of either type of gossip in the workplace, be proactive, follow the chain of command and visit your Human Resources department. They should have advice for you and ways to handle the situation.

If the gossip is in your personal life’s sphere, do your best to identify the culprit. Have a conversation with this person; find out why they choose to gossip about you. Let them understand the damage it is doing to you, and demand they stop spreading those rumors and retract their statements. This should suffice, and should give you what you need to decide whether to continue a relationship with this person.

No matter what, it’s always in your best interest not to lash out. This will only add drama to an already delicate situation. It may be impossible for you to ignore it, in that case, be the bigger person, choose to take the higher ground.

If you are personally addressed about the gossip by a coworker, refrain from getting into deep discussions about it. Let your boss or Human Resources deal with it.

If a friend other than the gossiper brings it to your awareness, thank them, and do your best to keep your opinions about the gossiper to yourself.

If You Are The Gossiper

Own up to it, at one time or another we’ve all done it. Sometimes we just hear something so juicy that we give into the urge to pass it along, often without thinking about it. In the workplace, however, really think hard before giving into the gossiping urge; your job and the lifeline it brings might be on the line.

In Summary

Nothing good will come of gossiping, stop and think before you engage in this behavior, things you hold near and dear might be loss to you because of gossiping. Enough about gossip; now, let’s talk about you!

Let’s Talk About Forgiveness

Having lived on this planet long enough, chances are you’ve been lied to, you’ve been betrayed, you’ve been rejected, you’ve been disappointed, and you’ve been hurt. Chances are you’ve lost a loved one, you’ve been misled, and you’ve lived through some traumatic events. You probably have been offended, misunderstood, and unfairly treated.

Like the bulk of us, you more likely have found it hard to forgive the culprits who’ve caused you pain, brought you anguish and left you in despair. You more likely have retreated into the bitterness, the anguish and the anger resulting from such transgressions.

In those instances, forgiveness is the last thing you can or want to think of; it is such a hollow concept, the mere though of it, insulting to your intelligence, berating to your feelings, belittling of your raw, and true emotions. After all, who in their right mind can think of forgiveness when being transgressed upon? Have some self-respect, stand-up for yourself, fight back, you say.

So, what is forgiveness, anyway?

Of what use is it?

What, if any, good can come of it?

I believe forgiveness is an act; a conscientious effort to effectively release the burden of anger, anguish and bitterness, resulting from the transgressions, perceived or real, enacted against us. As such, forgiveness is an utterly intimate action, triggered by our willingness to do so, and whose effects primarily affect the person –you, me- doing the act of forgiving, the person forgiving.

Common wisdom tells us that to forgive is to forget.  I believe that when we ascribe to such paradigm, we often find it hard to cope with the resulting guilt associated with the memory of the transgression. We most likely asked ourselves: 
Did I not forgive? 
Why do I still remember this stuff?  
When will I ever forget about it? 
We are more likely, then, to associate the discomfort brought on by the memory of the transgression with the transgression itself, only to then blame ourselves for not being able to forgive.

To forgive is to remember without bitterness, without anger, without anguish. True forgiveness is memory devoid of guilt. 

So, if you happen to remember the transgressions, even after you’ve genuinely forgiven, know there is nothing wrong with you; you are not the lesser for remembering; you are just human, a living being with recorded personal history.

When the guilt is no longer, there are no villains in the picture; there is no righteous anger against them; there is no emotional taxation to be burden with. 

This is the key use of forgiveness, as our portal to freedom; the freedom to remember without guilt, the freedom to look ahead into the future with hope; the freedom to move on, comforted in the notion that we’ve learned that which we were supposed to, through the experiences brought on by the forgiven transgressions.

When we forgive, we are no longer bound to the past, no longer prisoners to the misdeeds and the resulting anger, anguish and despair they bring.  

Once we forgive, we can remember without fear, without the dread of reliving the transgressions.  

When we forgive, we allow the past to remain where it belongs, in the past, and we allow the present center stage in our consciousness.

I have no way of knowing the magnitude of the transgressions you’ve experienced in your own life; far be it from me to presume you will be able to forgive every misdeed in turn, big or small, as the memory of it invades, and consumes your consciousness.

When you are ready, in your own time, tap into your ability to forgive. Begin to practice the action of forgiveness. Begin the process of forgiving yourself and others for those oppressing offenses. 

Begin to peal away the layers of corroding anguish, misguided anger and paralyzing bitterness each time your memory revisits these incidents. Begin the shift into your present, into the vision of life you have for yourself, into your wellness.

In your own time, use the key of forgiveness to unlock your way into guilt-free memories.

In my view, we only have one shot at this journey called life; it’s urgent that we bring our full consciousness to participate in this experience, from which none of us is leaving alive. 

Enough about that; now, let’s talk about you!

Start Paying Off Your SLEEP DEBT

It’s probably a safe bet to assume you are not immune to the sleep depravation problems so familiar to many of us. If that’s the case, here is a good article full of interesting facts about our need for sleep.

http://www.helpguide.org/life/sleeping.htm

Remember, knowledge gives you the power to take effective action, so take a moment to read through it.  Filter the information applicable to you and begin paying off your own personal sleep debt.

Sleep well, then, let’s talk about YOU!

Back to Basics

For longer than we care to acknowledge, we’ve been hearing the rumblings noises of a collapsing economy. Progressively, however, for many of us those noises abruptly turned into living the effects of the loss of a job, the end of a career, the advent of a new reality.

It is this personal aspect that I want to talk with YOU about today: When it comes to personal finances, everyone, and I mean, everyone has an opinion as to how to deal best with YOUR finances.

The truth is, no one but YOU, understands best what it means to deal with the constant dread of loosing YOUR way of life, loosing the life YOU’ve become accustomed to, loosing YOUR sense of self.

I could go on, and on, about the bright side of things; about the new opportunities this new reality brings to YOUR life. The truth is, though, YOU and I both know, that any diatribe focused on that angle does little, or nothing, to help YOU cope with the dread of loosing it all.

YOU, and only YOU, have to deal with that nagging voice inside YOUR head; and so, the question becomes; what can YOU do to cope?

In that light, here are some things to consider:

• Take a moment to figure out your expense priorities.
• Find a “sounding board”, someone you trust, who you can talk to about dealing with your new reality.
• Continue exploring your income potentials –keep all options open.
• Finally, the increase stress brought on by your new reality will likely cause a spike in your blood pressure. A good mechanism to deal with this is to practice slow breathing on a daily basis. It’s free, and you can do it at anytime, anywhere.

Sure, there is always tomorrow, with chances to start over again; in the meantime, there is today, however, and adjusting to the portrait of YOUR new reality will take all the courage YOU can muster to keep in motion.  Just keep at it. Now... Let's talk about you!

Go ahead, push that START button yet again.

It’s that time of the year again; the time when our shadows cast by the lights on the floor follow us uninterrupted; when no longer scarce, we are greeted with an abundant supply of parking space on the lots; the time when our sweat droplets echo freely across the room.

Gone –at least for now- are the days of crammed spaces and the evil eye looks shot at us for using a particular apparatus past another's idea of long enough, or for taking up the spot someone else wanted, hell bent on following through with their workout routine. Those days filled with new year resolutions soldiers, disciplined and dedicated to whipping him or herself into shape, come hell or high water.

Today, most likely, we are back to our old selves; consumed with the day-to-day living priorities, we’ve forgotten about “self”.  We are back to the comfort foods that sooth us; back to relinquishing control to the remote devices; back to mindlessly eyeing our ever-expanding midsections. In short, back to our comfort-zones.

Think that’s a bad thing; think again.  It may not be such a bad thing after all; and that, of course, will solely depend on what we do next, as we are back to that place which motivated us in the first place; the place that prompted us to snap-out-of-it; the place from whence we began to take action; we began to make a change; we became that new year resolutions soldier, hell bent on following through with our scheduled workouts, come hell or high water.

In case you’ve forgotten, and chances are, you probably have, here are some reminders why you decided, and then, you continued to workout in the first place:

1-    You felt out of shape: your body began to impede, rather than  help you do what you wanted.

2-    You noticed the energy boost you got from exercising routinely and from practicing sensible eating habits.

3-    You loved your improved libido: yes, that sexual drive that prompted you to want more, to conquer, to share.  The one which transformed you into the hunter, not the self-loathing, needy, defeatist pray, who’s self-pity only increased after each sexual episode. 

Remember that YOU?

Remember how you got in touch with that YOU?

Remember how you enjoyed that YOU?

Well, that YOU is there for the taking, yet again. 

It won’t be easy. Anything worthwhile seldom is.  After all, while we do love the benefits of a healthy lifestyle; let’s go ahead and say it, putting in the work stinks; it sucks.  Who wants to be spending thirty, sixty, ninety minutes a day, drenched in sweat, smelly and in pain? Who wants to deprive themselves, on the regular, of their blessed comfort foods? Who wants the aches and pains, signals of a body clamoring to return to the old days; back to its old comforting ways?

There is a reason why we got there in the first place. It felt great getting there!! 

As a species we are highly wired to seek out comfort and to avoid pain. Change is guaranteed to cause pain. Unlearning old habits, while incorporating new ways, is easier said than done. So try not to panic when, motivated again, you hop back onto the healthy lifestyle train, only to find out that you’ve lost the conditioning you’ve acquired in your days as a new years resolutions soldier. Don’t be discouraged, as it will happen for sure; you will notice your diminished conditioning. 

Remember, we faster loose conditioning than we are able to build, or, for that matter, rebuild it. Just pace yourself and take it one day at a time; one workout session at a time, one exercise at a time.

I’m encouraged in the notion that this reading will prompt you to re-connect with that new years resolutions soldier tucked away inside you. But, enough about me; now, let’s talk about you!

Quite Honestly…

Frequently, we hear ourselves preaching how much we want people around us to be honest with us.  How much we believe that we are honest in return. We say there is no other way to build a meaningful relationship without it, without honesty. On the other side of that equation, however, very few of us pause to ponder what to do with the impact such candor might have when it reveals uncomfortable things to us about ourselves or  about the way we deal with our lives. Even fewer of us might step back for a moment to consider the impact –often devastating- our frankness might have on the person or people on the receiving end.

So, what am I saying?

I’m saying that it is important to consider WHY we are being candid to anyone and/or WHY anyone is being candid to us.

If we take a moment to ask, and then answer that three-letter word/question honestly to ourselves before acting or reacting, then we are more likely to achieve the desired impact of our candor.

In my view, honesty carries a great deal of responsibility; without it, our honest assumptions quickly translate into the impetuous recklessness of a self-absorbed petulant.

Think about it: quite often, in the name of honesty, we find it easy to blurt out an insult at someone who’s vexed us. How difficult it is for us –on the flip side- to issue a spontaneous praise; how quickly we tend to suppress it, satisfied with only having thought about it. Of what benefit is that unuttered praise to the one we thought of?

Take a moment to picture us as emotional caldrons. Now, picture the limitless amounts of the honeyed oil and the vinegar we hold in those caldrons. Now, imagine the impact of going around selectively pouring that honeyed oil or that vinegar out into other caldrons.

The acidity and tartness of the vinegar will make us cringe, where as the sweetness and smoothness of the honeyed oil invites us back for more.

In our lives we always have choices, and in making those choices we must always be aware of the responsibility they bring along. Simply put, we are responsible for the choices and for their impact.  When we choose to be honest we are choosing to be either caring or hurting, either considerate or inconsiderate, either of help or of detriment to those we target with our candor.

Today I will take a moment to pause and consider the responsibility for my honest approach as I interact with the people around me, understanding that, in so doing, I’m honoring their feelings, their emotions, their understanding of self and the importance of these aspects in all of our lives.

Today I endeavor to consider the humanity, the intentions and the circumstances of the source, as I am on the receiving end of your candid overtures towards me. But, enough about me, now, let’s talk about you!

Simply Because I Care

The now ubiquitous Sunday morning yoga class jolted me into a day that progressively kept getting better: following a quick, spur-a-the-moment, yoga studio shower, we headed out for a quick bite with a friend-in-the-making.  A quiet, unassuming, handsome black man in his thirties, who took my “you are patient enough to be followed when driving, don’t you?” remark as a signal to treat us as aliens from another planet, who my be hopelessly lost should we loose sight of his car on the way there; instead of taking his normal rout on the highway, he took the back roads, extending a potentially ten minutes drive into an almost thirty minutes crawl. Finally there, when I asked him why? He sheepishly replied, “I was afraid you might get lost”.

Brunch was a breeze, as often is the case in those good-time moments in life, they go by quickly, almost imperceptibly.

We hurried on back home to meet this couple, friends of ours, who are moving into a new apartment.  He is a taller than average, handsome, green eyed, geeky looking, Jewish guy, of quiet and openly welcoming disposition, with a passion for his wife.  She, a life force, dark eyed, pretty brunet, exuding passionate restlessness for life; they arrived with news that he had suffered a deep cut on one of his hands, right at the base between two of his fingers. Befitting of his disposition, he didn’t seem to think much of it, as antibiotic ointment and band-aids should suffice to heal the wound in his mind. His wife, on the other hand, well, she was worried about going to the hospital and the implications that may come of that. At any rate, they settled on doing it his way.

Her soon-to-be former roommate completed the moving squad. A young guy of a average height, slightly built, possessing of paralyzing nervousness, apparently triggered by the unfamiliarity of newness; his quivering lips as he spoke betrayed his efforts to keep his energy dam from breaking.

Our task: to move an awkwardly shaped, mammoth relic of a color TV, heavy-as-sin to believers, into their new place. Somehow we got the job done without any major incident.

The couple then invited us to brunch, yes, our second brunch of the day: we spent the afternoon at a popular gay joint in town –a first for the soon-to-be former roommate-, which seemed only to increased his anxieties. Sharing beer and artery clogging, cheese food, we witness time fly by almost unnoticeably, as we chatted away about the beautifully mundane things that give meaning to our lives, engrossed in the pleasure of our willing companies.

Yes, engrossed in the pleasure of our willing companies.

We departed, each to continue on with our own separate lives; the couple, back to their on going moving chores, us, back to our quest to catch up on Oscar nominated movies, and the soon-to-be former roommate, back to his bachelorhood.

As the day came to a close I took stock of the day’s events, and I rejoiced in my good fortunes. I’m thankful for the moments I shared in the pleasure of their willing companies and the spiritual lubricant they brought. I realized how we all departed assuming we were the same people who greeted the morning’s sun as it rose welcoming a new day, almost unaware of the impact and the changes we brought to one another, and that’s OK.  Enough about me, now, let’s talk about you.

Yes, I do love The Oscars!

Every year around this time I look forward to the announcement of the Oscar Nominations, I get a hold of the list and I set about checking off each movie I’ve managed to see before the nominations, and then set out on a quest to see as many more nominees as I can before the big show. This is perhaps the main reason why I love the Oscars.

Most of us are somewhat familiar with the marry-go-round yearly Hollywood formula for movie releases: between January and April we get the lesser quality movies, the ones that rely heavily on the star-draw of the cast to get us into the movies, yet have nothing more than a cheep thrill to offer. Then there is the Summer Block Buster Season, which, up until the release of “Gladiator”, was an extension of the Early Year Season, loaded with gimmicky flix devoid of any real substance. Since “Gladiator”, however, Hollywood execs realized that people do seek refuge from the heat to go see a good movie in the summer time, so now Summer Season has become what I like to call the Hit-or-Miss Season, wherein we are just as likely to come across a substantive movie as we are to get the cheesy basic instincts pandering flix. And then there is the Oscars Season, the Fall Season, the Major Releases Season or whatever you choose to call it. The Heavenly Season for those who, like me, are delirious about substantive flix and performances. Way too short a season if you ask me.

Fall Seasons frequently gets me into frenzied weekends running around trying to cram in, two days at a time, as many flix as I can, then I go about shooting texts and emails to the people I come across about my movie going experiences.

On this season, however, I didn’t get to do as many weekend frenzied runs as I’d like to, so by the time the Oscar Nominations were announced, I realized I had a lot of catching up to do. I just wish there were movie complexes dedicated to running Oscar nominated movies between the nominations and the big show, but that’s a story for another blog.

It was during this on going run-to-catch-up that I caught up with “Nine”, “Food Inc.”, “Precious”, “Julie & Julia”, “The Blind Side”, “Star Treck”, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”,"Il Divo" -very ponderous, by the way- and “The Cove”.

“The Cove”: a riveting documentary depicting the on going yearly slaughter of thousands of dolphins in Taijii, Japan. A practice that, as depicted in “The Cove”, has been going on for years with the blessing and encouragement of the Japanese government, who –as shown in “The Cove”, goes to great lengths to keep this a secret from everyone, even the Japanese people not native to Taijii.

Why? You might ask. As the documentary shows, because Taijii, Japan is the world’s largest supplier of dolphins to the lucrative marine world tourism business; at an estimated $150.000 USD per dolphin Taijii fishermen have great incentives to hunt these animals down.

And this is just the beginning: if you are anything like me, an ordinary guy from somewhere,  I can safely assume that had it not been for “The Oscars” you may not have heard about this documentary, and, perhaps, you might not even have a chance to see it.

That possibly being the case, here is a little bit of wisdom to keep at hand the next time you decide to visit a seaquarium near you: “The Cove” caught on film the capture and slaughter of dolphins by the Taijii, Japan fishermen. Every year between September and March the Taijii fishermen gang up, get on their fishing boats and set out to the dolphins gatherings off the shallow Japanese coastal waters.  Equipped with large metal tubes mounted on their fishing boats, they place these large hallow metal tubes into the water and proceed to bang constantly on them with metal objects, this produces a disturbing wall of noise, which drive the sound hypersensitive dolphins into a desperate frenzy. Disoriented, the animals become easy pray; The Taijii fishermen continue the wall of noise, driving the frenzied dolphins to the shore of a cove where the fishermen then fence the dolphins in, effectively trapping them and impeding their escape. The next day “seaquarium tourist merchants” gather in the shallow cove waters inspecting and selecting dolphins to be send off around the world to the tourist seaquariums.

If you think this is an innocent practice, so far, think again: Dolphins are highly intelligent creatures, endowed with self-awareness, and a highly sensitive sonar communication system. In other words, they are conscious of what is taking place as it is happening, and, being sound oriented, captivity in places with large gatherings of cheering tourists seriously injures their health and can even kill them.

But if you are not about to give up on your thrill of a performing dolphin for your amusing entertainment, think about the ones that are not selected to perform at a seaquarium, the ones left behind.

“The Cove” captures the luck of this lot: Once the “seaquarium tourist merchants” have made their seaquarium shipment selections, the majority of the dolphins get left out, these left out dolphins are then driven by the Taijii fishermen to another “secret cove” where they are mercilessly slaughtered with harpoons. The massacre is so grand in scale that the waters of the cove turn into a sea of blood, a red sea.

The slaughtered animals are then disseminated into the Japanese markets, where their dissected parts are sold as whale meat, to hide the fact that dolphin meat is not fit for human consumption, due to its high levels of mercury.

The process is repeated over, and over, and over again each year between September and March. If this continues, it’s only a matter of time before Dolphins are a thing of the past.

WHAT’S MY TAKE AWAY?

“The Cove” experience made me sick to my stomach.

As I’m aware that my actions can impact this industry, with a one-man-one-vote approach, I decided not to eat any fish or fish products which I did not capture myself, and giving that I’m no fisherman, the chances of me eating fish are slim to none.

You will not ever find me among the seaquarium tourists.

And lastly, I encourage You to get a hold of “The Cove” see for yourself; and if so inclined, do something.

At the end of “The Cove” you are asked to text DOLPHIN to 44144 or got to TakePart.com/TheCove, if you want to help the dolphins.

I’m am encouraged in the notion that you will read this blog and you will find your own way to contribute. From my sprit to yours, thank you!

Am I Doing the Right Thing?

As a Certified Professional Coach –Personal Coach, PC for short- I get up each morning and grab hold of a sense of reality, my own reality. I take stack of my surroundings, but more importantly, of my impression of my surroundings, for this will inform my decision making.

In my job as a PC I’m called upon to be objective, analytical, quizzical, pragmatic, and supportive and to exercise emotional empathy.

I want to expand a little on this last aspect. In my understanding, to exercise empathy is a two-prong endeavor: On the one hand I’m required to identify with and understand another person’s feelings and difficulties. On the other hand, however, I’m allowed to transfer my own feelings and emotions to another object of my attention, be that another person or a thing.

This begs the questions: In my professional approach should I even consider this separation? Would you trust me with your inner most private feelings, should I not? Would I be as effective as you require of me if I do consider this separation? In other words, would you trust a coach, in any field, who has demonstrated an inability to relate to you and your situation, regardless of his/her technical skills and knowledge? Would you trust that coach if s/he is demonstrably human, vulnerable, flawed?

These are important questions to me as I aspire to be the shore you rest upon as you navigate the strong tides in the ocean that is your life. Phrased differently, the objective of empathy is not empathy for empathy, but empathy as a means to an end, that end being You, your understanding of self, your life, your goals, your wants, your needs, your circumstance.

As a PC I see myself as an instrument, an aid to you in your quest to be the protagonist in your own life, and yes, a bridge, a helping hand between you and the dreams you have for yourself, your wants, your goals. I don’t have the answers, those are yours to find; however, I have the questions that will help lead you to find those answers.

In this archetype you should demand of me that I constantly ask myself: Am I doing the right thing? For in so doing, I am reminded of you, your need, your wants, your goals, and your dreams. I am reminded that I am to be the receptacle of your vulnerability and to transfer my humanity to you as you do the same for me.

Am I doing the right thing? I sure hope so. I leave it to you to find, give me the answer, however.

As you continue the commanding move of your life in the direction of your own ideals, goals and dreams, I ask that you be my palpable evidence that I am indeed doing the right thing. As you bring yourself to me, I’ll meet you at you, as you meet me at me too. But, enough about me, now, let’s talk about you!