Question: I’ve been going with this guy for quite some time now. The sex is out of this world and we have a lot of fun when we are together. I want someone like him to settle down with and to be the father of my children. He is not interested in settling down, though –at least, not with me. What can I do? Bewildered.
Answer: Dear Bewildered. It’s great that at least you are getting the sexual satisfaction you want and deserve in your life. It is also wonderful that you have a friend to share a lot of fun moments with when you are together. That said, please take a moment and try wearing your friend’s shoes for size: What would you do if your friend wanted more from you than you are willing or able to offer/give? How would that make you feel? How would that affect the relationship between you and your friend who wants more than you have for him? Will you even want to continue having him as a friend knowing he wants more than you can or want to give?
Often, we get caught up in the folly of our own ambitions, our own feelings, our own wants, neglecting to pause and see things from the perspective of the other person in the equation. The result is a myopic and self-serving approach, which can only spoil a good thing.
What am I saying?
Bewildered dear, it sounds like you have a good thing going with this friend of yours; as good as it is for you both however, it is not good enough for you, thus, you have a decision to make. Here are your choices.
- Keep the status Quo: Enjoy your friend and what he has to offer for all that it is worth. This will continue to supply you with the sexual satisfaction you have come to enjoy and expect from the encounters between the two of you. In addition, you will continue to create moments of joy/fun whenever you get together with this friend.
- Move on: One good thing you both have going is the candor you share. You’ve obviously conveyed your wants to him and he has replied letting you know that what you both share is as good as it gets, and enough for him.
The choice, ultimately, is yours to make. Keep in mind that whatever your decision, you need to respect his position as he is called upon to respect yours.
Regarding your want to have children. The responsible, adult thing to do is to seek someone else who can tap into your sexual fountain of joy and with whom, as with your friend, you enjoy spending your time. Just let it be someone who, in turn, wants to be the father of your babies and wants to have you as a life partner.
Children are precious gifts to us. With that gift comes great responsibilities, which begin even before the moment of conception and continue on through the rest of their lives. Treat them as the treasures they are. You begin by laying a solid foundation for them to be raised. You as their parent are to create an atmosphere devoid of the unnecessary tensions, brought on because mom and dad made the decision of getting and staying together against one or both of their wills. Now, let's talk about you!
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