Frequently, we hear ourselves preaching how much we want people around us to be honest with us. How much we believe that we are honest in return. We say there is no other way to build a meaningful relationship without it, without honesty. On the other side of that equation, however, very few of us pause to ponder what to do with the impact such candor might have when it reveals uncomfortable things to us about ourselves or about the way we deal with our lives. Even fewer of us might step back for a moment to consider the impact –often devastating- our frankness might have on the person or people on the receiving end.
So, what am I saying?
I’m saying that it is important to consider WHY we are being candid to anyone and/or WHY anyone is being candid to us.
If we take a moment to ask, and then answer that three-letter word/question honestly to ourselves before acting or reacting, then we are more likely to achieve the desired impact of our candor.
In my view, honesty carries a great deal of responsibility; without it, our honest assumptions quickly translate into the impetuous recklessness of a self-absorbed petulant.
Think about it: quite often, in the name of honesty, we find it easy to blurt out an insult at someone who’s vexed us. How difficult it is for us –on the flip side- to issue a spontaneous praise; how quickly we tend to suppress it, satisfied with only having thought about it. Of what benefit is that unuttered praise to the one we thought of?
Take a moment to picture us as emotional caldrons. Now, picture the limitless amounts of the honeyed oil and the vinegar we hold in those caldrons. Now, imagine the impact of going around selectively pouring that honeyed oil or that vinegar out into other caldrons.
The acidity and tartness of the vinegar will make us cringe, where as the sweetness and smoothness of the honeyed oil invites us back for more.
In our lives we always have choices, and in making those choices we must always be aware of the responsibility they bring along. Simply put, we are responsible for the choices and for their impact. When we choose to be honest we are choosing to be either caring or hurting, either considerate or inconsiderate, either of help or of detriment to those we target with our candor.
Today I will take a moment to pause and consider the responsibility for my honest approach as I interact with the people around me, understanding that, in so doing, I’m honoring their feelings, their emotions, their understanding of self and the importance of these aspects in all of our lives.
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