Let’s Talk About Forgiveness

Having lived on this planet long enough, chances are you’ve been lied to, you’ve been betrayed, you’ve been rejected, you’ve been disappointed, and you’ve been hurt. Chances are you’ve lost a loved one, you’ve been misled, and you’ve lived through some traumatic events. You probably have been offended, misunderstood, and unfairly treated.

Like the bulk of us, you more likely have found it hard to forgive the culprits who’ve caused you pain, brought you anguish and left you in despair. You more likely have retreated into the bitterness, the anguish and the anger resulting from such transgressions.

In those instances, forgiveness is the last thing you can or want to think of; it is such a hollow concept, the mere though of it, insulting to your intelligence, berating to your feelings, belittling of your raw, and true emotions. After all, who in their right mind can think of forgiveness when being transgressed upon? Have some self-respect, stand-up for yourself, fight back, you say.

So, what is forgiveness, anyway?

Of what use is it?

What, if any, good can come of it?

I believe forgiveness is an act; a conscientious effort to effectively release the burden of anger, anguish and bitterness, resulting from the transgressions, perceived or real, enacted against us. As such, forgiveness is an utterly intimate action, triggered by our willingness to do so, and whose effects primarily affect the person –you, me- doing the act of forgiving, the person forgiving.

Common wisdom tells us that to forgive is to forget.  I believe that when we ascribe to such paradigm, we often find it hard to cope with the resulting guilt associated with the memory of the transgression. We most likely asked ourselves: 
Did I not forgive? 
Why do I still remember this stuff?  
When will I ever forget about it? 
We are more likely, then, to associate the discomfort brought on by the memory of the transgression with the transgression itself, only to then blame ourselves for not being able to forgive.

To forgive is to remember without bitterness, without anger, without anguish. True forgiveness is memory devoid of guilt. 

So, if you happen to remember the transgressions, even after you’ve genuinely forgiven, know there is nothing wrong with you; you are not the lesser for remembering; you are just human, a living being with recorded personal history.

When the guilt is no longer, there are no villains in the picture; there is no righteous anger against them; there is no emotional taxation to be burden with. 

This is the key use of forgiveness, as our portal to freedom; the freedom to remember without guilt, the freedom to look ahead into the future with hope; the freedom to move on, comforted in the notion that we’ve learned that which we were supposed to, through the experiences brought on by the forgiven transgressions.

When we forgive, we are no longer bound to the past, no longer prisoners to the misdeeds and the resulting anger, anguish and despair they bring.  

Once we forgive, we can remember without fear, without the dread of reliving the transgressions.  

When we forgive, we allow the past to remain where it belongs, in the past, and we allow the present center stage in our consciousness.

I have no way of knowing the magnitude of the transgressions you’ve experienced in your own life; far be it from me to presume you will be able to forgive every misdeed in turn, big or small, as the memory of it invades, and consumes your consciousness.

When you are ready, in your own time, tap into your ability to forgive. Begin to practice the action of forgiveness. Begin the process of forgiving yourself and others for those oppressing offenses. 

Begin to peal away the layers of corroding anguish, misguided anger and paralyzing bitterness each time your memory revisits these incidents. Begin the shift into your present, into the vision of life you have for yourself, into your wellness.

In your own time, use the key of forgiveness to unlock your way into guilt-free memories.

In my view, we only have one shot at this journey called life; it’s urgent that we bring our full consciousness to participate in this experience, from which none of us is leaving alive. 

Enough about that; now, let’s talk about you!